Sunday, March 30, 2014

Emerald City Comicon

So if you follow me on any social media you'll know that Megan and I went to Emerald City Comicon yesterday! And if you know me at all you'll know that pretty much my favorite thing to do in life is go to cons. My very first one was PAX Prime 2010, and ever since then I've got the bug. I love being around huge crowds of like-minded people; it's one of life's most gratifying experiences. Renaissance faires are awesome for the same reasons, but cons... they're better.

Megan had never been to a comic con before, and it was so fun going along with her to her first! She wore a pair of amazing TARDIS leggings and I wore my doge Game of Thrones mashup t-shirt, and we wandered around the expo hall, saw some panels, and people-watched. People-watching is one of my favorite things at cons. Our favorite cosplay that we saw was Steampunk Belle, but sadly we didn't get a photo, and I can't find any anywhere! Someone help, if you see it on the interwebs, send me a link! I did get a photo of an awesome Loki cosplay, though, and there was a TARDIS so obviously we had to wait in line to get a photo with it. 

The highlight of the convention for me, by far, was getting to meet one of my favorite artists, Jakface. I had no idea she was gonna be there (because I am oblivious to everything around me most of the time), so stumbling upon her booth in Artist Alley was the BEST. I bought her Dragon Age Man-Calendar (which is exactly what it sounds like) years ago, and I'm obsessed with her art and a total fangirl. I got so flustered meeting her, but she was super sweet and friendly and I was totally star struck. I probably would have spent all of my money just on her art if I had no self-control. I ended up buying her GAMEboys calendar (which you can buy here), and this print of Alistair from Dragon Age, which combines Art Nouveau and my favorite video game boyfriend, so obviously it's my new favorite thing of all time!! I'm gonna get it properly framed and everything!

Other highlights included: Karl Urban's panel, ugh so hot; a dude wearing the same shirt as me and telling me I wore it better; seeing Noelle Stevenson and being too terrified to approach her booth because she is so awesome; shirtless buff dude in Dragon Ball Z cosplay; everyone cosplaying as any character from Assassin's Creed; Newt/Hermann cosplayers; running into two friends by chance on the expo hall; and the poop emoji pillow, WHICH I DID NOT BUY, whyyyy?

I'm a little bit disappointed that we didn't plan on attending the con for all three days, but I feel like I would have been way more into it than Megan, and she would have grown to hate me by the end. Next year, though, all three days for sure! And I still have Denver Comic Con coming up in June, which I am so excited about I can't even!

And now have a pic of Megan and me at Ramen Man, where we went for dinner with her sisters after the convention. It was a fun-, geek-, and food-filled day of awesome! And the time I got to spend with two of her sisters (which wasn't very much, unfortunately) was really great. 

And that is it from me, because I get to wake up at 4:30 tomorrow morning and go to work after an entire weekend of not catching up on any sleep, oh boy! That's gonna be fun. And by fun I mean absolute torture. Totally worth it though. Totally worth it.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Sunny Days

Lyall always looks like a total weirdo in photos. He looks extra freaky in this one. Doesn't he look like some kind of alien pig? Look at his dead eyes.

As you can see from the sunbeam, it's actually not raining here. Which is... weird, considering it's March. And this is Portland. Not that I'm complaining! Oh wait yes I am hahaha you thought I liked the sun suddenly. No. I got really excited after work and was like "I'm gonna walk around in the sun and go shopping real fast for some stuff!!!" but after about 10 minutes I was hot and sweaty and regretting it. I need to remember that Meg's keys to surviving in warm, sunny weather are as follows: 
  1. Don't move. No seriously, don't go anywhere. Don't get off your ass. Just sit there in the shade and wait to move until the sun sets or else you will regret it. You will become a sweating, bright red, angry mass of misery. You will regret it.
  2. Sip a cold beverage. Do not stop sipping said beverage. Never stop with the cold beverages; just keep 'em coming continuously until the sun sets.
  3. Wear a wide-brimmed hat. A very wide-brimmed hat. With sunglasses. Keep as much sunlight at bay as is humanly possible, and you might get through this without wanting to kill yourself.
  4. SUNDRESSES. Do not trick yourself into wearing anything outside but a sundress. If you wear shorts, or pants, or a maxi dress, or tights, or even a shirt with a skirt a lot of the time, you will sweat a lot and regret it
  5. For the love of god, sunblock.
I feel that these are important rules to live by for any pale, blue-eyed, sun-hating girl. I don't know what you'd do if you were a boy. What do men do without sundresses? Whatever it is, it must result in some sweaty man-parts. I do not envy that.

Since the Volvo place insists on taking forever to fix my car's broken headlight (full disclosure: it's not technically their fault it's taking so long), I've had to walk to Fred Meyer twice in so many days. Which isn't actually that bad, because my neighborhood is gorgeous, and Fred Meyer isn't very far away. I've been bringing this badass Downton Abbey shopping bag my dad sent me a while back, and buying just enough food for the next few days: a few apples and bananas, baby carrots, coffee grounds, some chicken sausage. I feel very European. But let's be real, when I was forced to buy tiny amounts of food in London for a year, taking the stupid bus to and from the shop, walking and sweating and walking and sweating all the time, it fucking sucked. I'm very thankful for my car (THAT I CAN'T USE) and for vehicle-friendly 'Murica. That said, Portland is also very accessible via public transit, and no matter where you live, you're probably a five-minute walk from a coffee shop and a bar, or a fun combo of both. Add strip clubs to the mix as desired.

And now it's time to sleep, even though I am not tired because I drank a Coke Zero too close to bedtime. I'm like a child. Somebody please restrict my caffeine intake. Help me.

P.S. Should I get an asymmetrical pixie haircut?? I am getting tired of the bob, I think, and I need others to tell me whether this is a good idea or not. I'm gonna give it some time though because, as a woman, cutting my hair short is one of the most horrific things I could possibly do to myself and therefore requires much introspection and forethought before any decisions are made. I will keep you updated. In the interim, yes? No? Thoughts.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Sportsball Bracketing

Super upset that I've not gotten every single game correct in my March Madness bracket so far!! Or whatever! I don't even know the rules of basketball but I am SO READY to win some cash money! Honestly I would be totally okay just winning and not getting a prize; I am that into winning at things. I'm a terrible loser, too. It's great, and by great I mean horrible. If you beat me at something it sucks because I give you abuse, and if I beat you at something it sucks even more because I won and I give you abuse. I should probably just not be allowed to be in competitive situations. One time in high school my friends got super mad at me because I was apparently "gloating" about my good score on the American Revolution quiz in AP US History, as I recall. I was just telling everyone how smart I was okay! Repeatedly! That's not gloating. I will, however, gloat if I win this March Madness thing. Even though I'm pretty sure I won't.

In other news, I really hate not having my car readily available to me. It's at the shop getting a bunch of shit done to it I guess, and the guy had to order tires for it so I'm not sure when the hell I get it back? So annoying. I need to buy dog poop bags and more bananas and apples but I'm stuck at home because who wants to take the bus or walk anywhere? Not me.

Spending my money on practical things really irks me, on a deep and fundamental level, but it's really great that I can afford to buy new tires for my car and make my vehicle safe to drive in. I feel so adult and responsible! I also put clean sheets on my bed today, which I don't do enough, but I do it way more than I ever did in college or high school or even a couple of years ago. Which was never. I never washed my sheets. My mom did it for me until I moved out, and then it was like... I just never thought to wash them? Horrifying! Clean sheets feel super nice, though. I wash them semi-regularly now. I guess I'm slowly becoming a human who can actually do things and pick up after herself. *pats self on the back a whole bunch*

Getting reeeaaalllly excited about the new season of Game of Thrones! Anyone else? You know you are! I'm pretty sure it's the main reason I can get up day after day -- the knowledge that Game of Thrones exists and is going to be on TV again. HAHAHA just kidding that would be really depressing and weird if that was the main reason I kept living! Ha. What a loser that would make me.

Sportsball! I wish I wasn't too terrified of bros to go into a sports bar, because I'd totally go into a sports bar to watch sportsball. I wanna WIN!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Tiny Rut

I just had a fleeting moment of, "Oh, I should post pics from my trip to Northern Ireland on St. Patrick's Day because Ireland!" but then realized I'd have to dig out my external hard drive and then pick which photos to use and edit them and all of that business, and promptly said fuck it, so here's an old Instagram of my car.

Okay wow so I started writing this post about half an hour ago, but got super engrossed in this tumblr devoted to man-buns. Which is, obviously, my new fave place on the internet. Goddamn, why don't more dudes grow out their luscious man-hair and turn it into a man-bun? Sure, some girls think it's gross. You don't wanna date those girls. I feel like if I were a man, I would totally go the bun route. It's obviously the hottest route in which to go. Okay I'm just typing in circles here about man-buns. Moving on.

I've finished the first draft of the short story I'm working on. I think I'm going to cut most of it, but I have a satisfactory "climax" if you will (shut up, pervs) that ties up the emo nonsense that is my story. I've never really written nonfiction like this, so it's... weird. And by "nonfiction" I mean autobiographical. It feels kinda like I'm jerking myself off a lot of the time, but it's also very cathartic. And hard to write without making myself sound just as neurotic, over-emotional, and socially awkward as I actually am. I have to maintain some air of competence here.

Anyway. I'm feeling the social life overload. For an introvert I've not devoted very much time to hermit activities lately, and it's starting to wear on me. I could sit in my room and watch House of Cards for the next week straight, not talk to a single soul outside of the internet, and be perfectly content. ...Of course I say that, but I'm sure after two days I'd start to go stir crazy.

In other news, I'm thinking about going to have my tarot read again, or to see a counselor for a few sessions, or both. I feel like I'm emerging from this really confusing, grief-stricken period of my life, and I'm not sure where to catch my footing. I'm pretty proud of myself for joining the writing group, actually making friends at work, and maintaining some sort of social life without going completely insane, but I feel like I'm in a tiny rut and I need a boost out. Or maybe it's just the long winter catching up with me.

Either way, I'll sort it out. And now you should all probably listen to this song, because it's beautiful:

Sunday, March 9, 2014


I don't know what my deal is, but I've been feeling super out of sorts for the past several days. Going to see Her definitely didn't help. I loved it, but it brought me to a dark post-breakup place. I was identifying with every depressing moment, and there were so many breakups in that movie, way too many, and too many "we grew up together but now we need to go our separate ways but I'll always care about you no matter what you do in life, goodbye" moments (okay maybe just one) where I was just like, FUCK, this is too close to home.

Lately I've been wishing I'd had more resolution with Greg. The way we left it felt so stupid and incomplete. Greg reacted very differently than what I'd expected, or what I suspect he expected, when we broke up. I wanted to be able to speak to each other like adults, and say goodbye, and say thank you for being with me for almost a fifth of my life, and hug, and recognize that this was something we both knew had to happen. I mean he'd practically tried to kick me out the door only weeks before. But he didn't allow any of that. He closed himself off. When I tried to say goodbye, he said, "Enjoy." That was it. After five and a half years, that was his goodbye. And I feel like an idiot for saying this, considering it's been over six months, but it still hurts. A lot. I wish we'd said goodbye, at least.

Maybe one day I'll be okay enough to actually call him and tell him what I wanted to tell him six months ago. Or maybe one day I'll just stop caring and let it go.

I'm just tired of being sad as fuck. I have to remind myself sometimes that I don't feel this way because my life is falling apart, or because everything around me has become inherently upsetting; I feel this way because my brain chemistry is kinda fucked up. Which is okay, but also really annoying. But whatever, I'm used to it. In a few days it'll pass, if not sooner, and life will be a giant pile of awesome again. Until then, I'm staying in bed and watching House of Cards.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Hump Day

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't think anything ever gets fully dry in Portland. I'm inside in the warmth, drinking a caffeine free Coke Zero (why didn't I ever think to buy these before??), and wearing my fuzzy slippers and I still feel damp. To be fair, it is raining. It is raining a lot. And I love the rain, but sometimes it's nice to be dry or whatever, y'know.

It's been a long week. I know it's only Wednesday, but it's still been a long week. I kept thinking it was Thursday today, and when you get ahead of yourself like that you know it's never a good sign. I finally started watching House of Cards last night, though! I only got through an episode and a half before I had to go to bed, but I'm already super excited to watch more. BREAKING: Kevin Spacey is great.

Tomorrow night I'm going to see Her with Rose, Megan, et al. I've heard mostly good things about it, from people whose opinions I trust, so I'm optimistic! I do love Joaquin Phoenix. And I love future hipsters, so it seems like I'll maybe like this movie. Have any of you seen it? Is it as quirkily heart-warming as it looks? No spoilers!

And finally, I just discovered the wonders of this. I was never a big fan of Greek yogurt, but omguh so good I am totally going to eat these forever and ever because noms. It is really easy to entice me with dark chocolate, it turns out.

Finally finally, I'm really feeling the gaming withdrawals lately. I spent most of my day today fending off WoW daydreams, specifically the Freya fight in Ulduar? Because why? It was a horrible fight? And yet... I miss the stress of raiding. I miss gaming. I considered buying an Xbox 360 but then I realized I didn't have a TV. I have a computer monitor and no desktop to go with it. Is there a way to hook speakers up to a monitor? Or to the Xbox? Help I'm a giant noob and want to play Dragon Age forever and ever until I die under a mountain of Cheeto crumbs.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Oscars Weekend

I'm not going to writing group tonight. I've been so busy with life that I didn't get the chance to read the submission, and I didn't want to speed read it and just be useless in the workshop, so I figured I'd just stay home, do some chores around the house, and fill out some DMV paperwork. Apparently I now get to pay money to turn my car into a salvaged car! Wow, thanks, state of Oregon. Hurrrgh, adult things!!

I've been eating a lot of Brussels sprouts lately. I think I'm trying to make up for an entire lifetime without them. I'd never tried them until last fall, and then bam it was instant love. They're perfect. I don't know what it is about them, but they have this subtle, savory flavor that's gorgeous. I saute them with olive oil and pepper and then I eat 'em. With lots of salt and pepper. I've been having them for dinner all the time, just Brussels sprouts, a pile of them on my plate. A super sad single person dinner.

Well I had an eventful weekend! I feel like I'm still recovering from all that socializing. On Friday night, as you know, Megan and I went to NTNT's EP release. Rose and Matt came, which was so awesome, and a bunch of Megan's friends also came along. It was basically just a ton of fun, drinks were cheap, and the music was amazing. Afterwards, Megan and I walked down to the Backstage Bar behind the Bagdad, because apparently nowhere on Hawthorne is open past midnight on a Friday? What the fuck is that all about? Thankfully one bar was open, and serving food, so we inhaled greasy burgers and talked until it was so late. I don't even know how late. So late that I slept until 3:00pm the next day, it turned out.

The next day was Megan's and my good friend Jasmine's birthday party, which we were so excited about. We met her through our friend Rachael, who we worked with at the call center from hell, and she ended up marrying Megan's good friend Dave, so it's now like this crazy network of friends and love! But anyway, I had to buy a dress for the party so I made Megan wander around the Lloyd Center with me for about 5 years while I tried on every dress forever. I fiiiiinally found one, and then we had to rush around getting food and wine and flowers, showering, and whatever. 

We showed up super late to the party, but nobody was mad at us, because everyone there was/is super sweet and amazing. I've hung out with this group of people twice now, and I already feel like they're all good friends. They're so welcoming and fun, and I don't understand why there weren't people like this in Utah. I always felt like the Utah people were keeping me at arm's length. Or maybe I was keeping myself at a distance. I dunno. WHO CARES, I'm not in Utah anymore, look at all the fucks I give! Anyway. The party was great, and I'm so thankful for Jasmine and Megan and all of their lovely friends who have been so warm and welcoming to a perfect stranger. It's a big deal to me.

Sunday was, of course, Oscar night! Rose, Georgia, Megan, and I started out at Red Robin because Megan had been craving their fries and tweeted about it earlier in the week, so it became a whole Thing and we had to go there for lunch before the Oscars. Then we met up at the Hollywood Theater, which was having an Oscars party with pizza and popcorn and cocktaaillls! We did not drink cocktails. We did, however, stuff ourselves with popcorn even though we had already eaten so, so many fries. So many fries. So many fries. I also ate a bunch of cookies that Georgia made, and a bunch of chocolate that Megan brought, and wanted to explode/die by the end of it. 

The Oscars were so much fun though! I've probably never had that much fun watching them before. The crowd was really into it because you could buy ballots and vote on what you thought would win and if you got them all right you won a year of free movies or something I dunno. But it was way fun! And we live tweeted! Well, Rose and I did. And then apparently my mom saw my tweets, and this one about Chris Evans' beard was the final straw because she started watching and live tweeting too. I love my mom! We both tweeted about DDL being a hottie and it was the highlight of my live tweeting experience. How the hell did anyone watch TV or any movie before twitter? I don't understand.

I still feel bloated and gross from the weekend. But it was super fun, and totally worth the disgust I am feeling right now in regards to my bloated, pale, doughy form! So worth it.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Spinster Forever

Sometimes I'm pretty convinced I'm going to die a spinster.

I don't mean it in a self-pitying, pathetic, pessimistic, feel-sorry-for-me kind of way. I mean that every so often I feel fully convinced that nobody could ever live up to my standards. Which probably makes me sound like a bitch, or delusional, or irrationally picky, but there it is.

I always thought that the more people I dated the more my standards would lower, the more I'd realize that a guy doesn't have to be Mr. Darcy to win my heart or whatever. But every breakup, and every experience I've had dating men, makes me feel more and more like I might just be single forever. I just keep adding more and more traits to the list of things I don't want in a partner, and more traits to the list of things I do want. The criteria just keep adding up. I'm almost 99% certain that I'll never find a guy who's 5'11" or taller, loves tiny dogs, can take part in entire conversations based on internet memes, is a feminist, and is hilarious and hot. I am at the point where I'm in the movie Practical Magic and I've made up a perfect man who couldn't possibly exist, but since it's my life and not a Sandra Bullock movie, nobody is going to come swanning into my life in the form of Aidan Quinn, my impossible soulmate.

I want to clarify: I'm not exactly upset about this. Not yet, anyway. But... it's worrying. And maybe when I meet the right person, all of these "necessary" traits will just fade into the background because this mythical guy will be so great. And I don't think I would limit myself from dating people based on some of my criteria, because people aren't black and white like that, and neither is life. ...But some of these criteria are very important to me (i.e. all of them).

I don't know. I'm in a mood. Every time I come home from a party after I've sobered up after a night of drinking, I either cry a lot or get really introspective and emo. And I realize it's only been six months since Greg and I broke up, but I find myself wondering if I wouldn't just be happier living alone forever. I mean, how could I ever get to know anyone well enough now? I feel too old to form any brand new bonds that are supposed to last a lifetime. Shouldn't I have those all sorted out by now? I'm happy with my friends as they are. How could any stranger even begin to fill the role in my life that my friends fill now, or that Greg filled? I know I'm only 27, and I'm being maudlin. But still. Sometimes I don't know if I have it in me to do all of that again. I'd have to make myself completely vulnerable to a new person, and teach that person all about my life for 27 fucking years, and learn all about his life, and his past relationships, and that just seems exhausting at this point. And maybe not even worth it. Plus, the guy who might be worth it probably doesn't even fucking exist.

Again: I'm not trying to have a pity party here. I'm not even crying, and I'm listening to sad music, so you know it's not that bad. I'm just having a very long think. And it's probably totally irrational, because hey, it's 4:30am and I spent the evening drinking, but. Still. It seems extremely unlikely that I'm ever going to meet someone who could ever suit me. And that is a super annoying thought.

Oh well. Fuck it. I always have Lyall.