I feel dreadful.
It's not just that I'm home after a long, amazing vacation with Shaun and Stacey, two of my best friends in the world. It's not just that I had to go back to work after days of lazy drives through the LA golden hour, hair whipping across my face, the windows rolled down. It's not just the 5:00 a.m. alarm.
I'm happy to be home with Lyall again, of course. And happy beyond words to be back with my games! (Thedas, I'm home again.) But I'm overwhelmed by the crushing reality of coming down from so many highs, the return to reality from a world where it was just me, my friends, a city, and lots and lots of good food.
Now every damn song I listen to reminds me of them.
I miss them so much.
And like... Stacey is pretty much my long-distance boyfriend, as I've gone over. You know that feeling you get when there's one person you want to be around all the time, talk to all the time, think about all the time? A person who you can't stop talking about to the point that you're clearly annoying everyone around you? Yeah. That's Stacey. It's this weird obsessive friendship where I want to learn every little thing about her and I couldn't imagine sharing my affection with anyone else. I have zero interest in dating anyone because I have her. I like her so much that she makes me nervous when I'm around her?? And she lives almost 1,000 miles away. A THOUSAND MILES. I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more... to internet stalk voice actors with Stacey. I don't... know where I'm going with this, except that it fucking sucks how far apart we are and I would legitimately 100% be even more of a mess right now and/or planning my next trip to visit her if she weren't already coming to see me in a matter of weeks.
And Shaun. SHAUB. She's one of those people I will always always love so intensely because of the year we shared together in London. Before that we'd never been close friends, but I loved her immediately when we reunited at Speedy's Cafe that September. Nobody else can possibly understand that part of my life like she can. We've only lived in the same city for that year in London, but it was one of the most important and formative years of my life, and I'll always make a point of seeing Shaun as much as I can whenever I can. She's one of those people who makes everything more fun and hilarious just by being there. I hate that she's so far away. I miss my London boyfriend!
So... this post was going to be super brief but it became a love letter to Shaun and Stacey I guess. Oops? Except not because I could write love letters to them every day.
There's just something about my girl friends. They mean more to me than any boyfriend could. They're emotionally supportive and encouraging. They understand me. They accept me exactly the way I am, and never ask me to be anything different. I love them so much and I miss them when they're not here.
I'm so sad. I had an amazing time in LA, but I'm so sad.
My only consolation is that I can be reunited with my Portland besties for the Hollywood Theater Oscars party this weekend, which is gonna be amazing.