ECCC Adventure 2015: Day One

It took me forever to get to, but finally I'm doing it! My write-up of ECCC day one! It turns out I pretty much only took photos of BioWare cosplay (look at Dorian and Shepard, aaahhh!), and nobody is surprised. I spent the first hour or so at the con by myself, because poor Sam had to work and because I needed to go and meet Troy Baker immediately before doing anything else. And I needed to be alone when I did it so that nobody could judge me for behaving like an idiot. Which I did, of course. But now I can't even look at the photo of us together without becoming bitter and angry because he canceled his Sunday panel!! Why! Why, Troy. I'm holding a grudge, Troy.

During my solo wanderings I overheard a couple of fake geek guys misidentifying Gamora as She-Hulk, which was neat. I hate these fake geek guys! They only come to cons to pick up girls! They don't even know anything about comics! Way to ruin it for everyone, dudes!

But I didn't let the fake geek guys get to me. I am not the gatekeeper of geekery, guys. The sheer size of the con was pretty overwhelming, though, so when Sam showed up at the convention center, I had to meet her outside. We would never have found each other inside -- that's how cray it was. ECCC is the biggest con I've ever been to, outside of maybe PAX 2010, which I'm pretty sure was not this big! I may be an introvert, but I love crowds. Especially when surrounded by my people, so the sheer number of nerds everywhere made my heart sing.

Pretty much the first thing Sam and I saw when we entered the con was this group of bb cosplayers. So adorbs! Parenting done right!

After wandering around being overwhelmed and picking up Sam's badge, we made our way upstairs to the exhibition hall. Or rather, halls -- plural. (It was a big con you guys.) We discovered that we have the same super methodical method of wandering convention floors, so we spent the next few hours combing the floor systematically and buying tons of shit we totally, most definitely needed! Our goal was to get most of our shopping done that day, so we could focus on panels on Saturday and Sunday. We were pretty damn successful tbh.

Here is all the crap I bought on Friday, minus Lumberjanes volume 1, which I forgot to include like an idiot:

I bought even more Garrus art the next day, because I have an actual problem. But seriously, Garrus art with Bon Jovi lyrics??? Did they make this for me and Stacey?? I'm pretty sure they did. So I bought it, obvs, and it is going straight to Stacey as soon as I get off my ass and hit up the post office. Also pictured: Troy's stupidly handsome face (I hate you Troy), Dragon Age tea (Alistair, Fenris, and Hawke!), and Iron Bull and Blackwall wearing shirts that say "do you even rift bro" because OBVS.

We did manage to attend a couple of panels on Friday. I went to Leila's Image panel, which was great. I love hearing from other creative people about how they go about their work, their processes, etc. It's always so inspiring to me. We also went to the Being Non-Compliant panel, which was so amaze, and which you should read about on The Mary Sue where Sam wrote about it! I laughed, I cried (no I literally cried), and I felt really badass and inspired at the end of it. I felt inspired pretty much all weekend, to be honest. Being around so many wonderful creative people together in one place always lights a fire under my ass and makes me want to write, draw, whatever. I love it.

Speaking of creative, look at these ridiculously amazing Dragon Age cosplays, dudes! So many incredible Morrigan cosplayers, man. It makes me super glad that I decided not to cosplay as Morrigan because mine would have been 100% the worst one there. How did this girl on the right get her sleeve/pauldron to stay on her arm? Mine kept slipping down? I should have asked and taken notes, what was I THINKING??

And okay but come on you guys. Come on. Look at this Cullen cosplay. Look at this guy! Who the hell does this hot Cullen think he is?? I mean yeah, okay, amazing other cosplayers, neat Inquisitor pajamas, but WHAT THE HELL HOT CULLEN. Sam and I obviously needed to get our photos taken with him, and then spent the next 10 minutes coming down from the adrenaline rush the encounter gave us. We then spent the rest of the con wondering who this dude was and trying to find him on social media, to no avail. It was the worst, you guys; who doesn't have a twitter?? Who does an amazing Cullen cosplay and doesn't have a twitter? This guy. And apparently the rest of twitter was freaking out with us. The hashtag #HotCullen became a thing, with everyone losing their minds wondering who the hell this dude was. Hilariously, he got wind of the whole thing and joined twitter as @realhotcullen, so. I guess there is a God??

After we were finished throwing our money at Garrus art and taking pics of Dragon Age cosplayers, we left the convention center and hit up a nearby pharmacy for some pain killers, since we still had open wounds on our bodies in the shape of Stargate mandalas. I got to watch Sam get super excited about American drug store products, which was hilarious and amazing! She bought like $60 worth of candy, which is impressive and wonderful and she is my actual hero.

Then we took a much-needed break in our hotel room before braving the windy, rainy streets of Seattle again. This time, our mission was sushi! We ended up going to Nijo Sushi, which was a short walk away and near the waterfront. We got there right before a crowd showed up, and got a table immediately, aw yiss! (We had great luck like this all weekend because it was the Best Weekend.) The sushi though, you guys. Here's the thing. I don't eat sushi. Well, I used to eat crab sushi, but then it gave me terrible food poisoning on the day of my best friend's wedding, so I don't do crab anymore. And every other kind of sushi has always tasted too fishy for me, so I just tend to eat veggie sushi because I'm lame. My logic this time, though, was that if anywhere is gonna have fresh fish, it's Seattle. And fresh fish doesn't taste fishy. So I got an eel roll and a salmon roll, and oh my god they were so good. Like, hands down the best sushi ever. It wasn't fishy at all, dudes. I feel like all other sushi is ruined for me now, though? I'm heading up to Seattle again to finish my tattoo later this month, and I'm kinda thinking I might have to hit up Nijo again.

So after dinner we hit up the BOOM! Studios party for a bit, where we talked to a bunch of super great people. I loved meeting so many new people throughout the weekend; everyone was incredibly welcoming and lovely, and to everyone I met, even if we only spoke for a moment: you are all wonderful, beautiful people!! Thank you for existing!

Here is a pic of Sam, Melissa, and me! I had only "met" Melissa through twitter before that night, and she was as delightful as expected. I totally stole this pic from her twitter I HOPE THAT'S OKAY.

After the party we were pretty much ready to watch some crap TV and go to sleep. When we got back to the hotel room, Rose and Georgia had arrived and were cuddled up in bed in their pajamas, so we hung out for a bit and then, agreeing that ECCC day one had been a total 100% success, we passed the fuck out.

Next Time: DAY TWO! In probably like a week because that's how lazy I am.

ECCC Adventure 2015: Prologue

Oh god where do I even begin with this, you guys? I haven't blogged in basically forever and now all of a sudden I need to tell you everything about ECCC because it was the BEST and I still can't stop thinking about it. ...Mostly I'm stuck on #HotCullen though. Mostly that.

Okay, but let me start last Wednesday, at the beginning. I took half the day off of work so I'd have time to drive home, load up my car and pack last minute things, and drive up to Seattle with plenty of daylight to spare. Except that when I was almost halfway to Seattle, I realized I had forgotten my damn ECCC badge. Which meant I had to drive all the way back to Portland, get stuck in rush hour traffic for another hour, and then take an alternate route up to I-5 because the bridge to Vancouver was at a bloody standstill. Neat, retrospective traffic news! I didn't let it get me down, though, because 1) I was on my way to goddamn comic con, and 2) I had Bon Jovi on my driving playlist!! You can't be fully sad when Bon Jovi!

So after a few extra hours of driving, I made it to the W Hotel (which was so hip it made me feel like a hobo wandering in from the streets tbh) with just enough time to hit up the bar for a beer and a bowl of edamame before taking off again for the airport to pick up Sam.

Okay let me talk about Sam. Sam and I met through our Mass Effect tattoos on instagram, I'm almost 99% sure? So obviously we immediately became besties. And somehow over the course of our online courtship we decided that we needed to get matching Stargate tattoos, and that we needed to get them while in Seattle together for ECCC. And because we're either super amazing or super crazy or both, we actually made it happen?? And I'm still kind of in awe? Sam decided to stay with Rose, Georgia, and me at the hotel on a whim, and I'm super glad she did because I LOVE HER and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her before she went back to Toronto, which is pretty much on the other side of the world from Portland. Sad trombone. Thank goodness for SDCC in a few months though, for real!

Anyway, the next day Sam had to work, so I went to Piroshky Piroshky and Starbucks and brought our breakfast back to the hotel room. And let me just take a second to say, you guys. You guys. If you're in Seattle for any length of time, if it is humanly possible, go to Piroshky Piroshky. Their pastries are the absolute best and I'm super depressed that I can't eat them forever and ever, please stuff your faces with them!

Also let me take this opportunity to direct you to the rugs in the W's elevators, which change depending on what time of day it is?? It was morning when I took this! Too fancy! Too fancy!

Later that day, after Sam was finished working, we took the party to Artcore Tattoo Studios. 'Twas time for our Stargate bro tats!! And oh boy you guys did we not plan for how long they were going to take. To be fair, Ryan is a stickler for detail and made these bad boys look incredible, but I was only able to sit through the lines for my tattoo and will be going back later this month for color. I feel terrible posting pictures of our gross swollen new tattoos, so I'll definitely do an update when they're all healed and I can properly show off Ryan's art! He was super patient and such a good sport about sitting around with a pair of Stargate fangirls for like seven hours straight. Thanks Ryan!!

By the time we were finished with the tattoos, it was around 11:30 and we were in this sketchy industrial area, so we hurried to my car and immediately set out to find 1) a 24-hour pharmacy, and 2) sustenance. We figured we would hit up the pharmacy first, so Sam found a Walgreen's downtown that was open until midnight and directed us there. As we drove around looking for parking, we started getting super creeped out by all these dudes wandering the streets, but finally parked in an only slightly sketchy parking lot around the corner from Walgreen's. But as we approached the pharmacy, we had to sort of wind our way through this crowd of people that had gathered around what looked like furniture delivery trucks? I guess? There was some kind of ruckus whatever they were, and when we finally got to the entrance to Walgreen's, this guy inside wearing a gas mask just turned to look at us through the glass, and slowly shook his head. So we turned on our heels and went right back in the direction from which we'd come. It was like some sort of post-apocalyptic hellscape, and while Sam tried to calm us both while explaining why Target had failed in Canada, we rushed back to my car and got the hell outta there.

By that point all we wanted was some damn food. We found a 24-hour McDonald's nearby, so we drove there and shuffled inside, all cold and achey and freaked out and starving. And when we walked inside, it was like the clouds opened up and the heavens shone down... on a dude wearing a Mass Effect N7 hoodie. And we knew in that moment that we had found our people, and were safe at last.

We spent the rest of the night watching trash TV and eating our crispy chicken sandwiches, which was probably the very best way to end a traumatic night of pain and gritty late-night Seattle experiences.

Next time: Actual ECCC Day One! I swear! I have the photos all edited and everything. STAY TUNED I guess.

Love Letters to Shaun and Stacey

I feel dreadful.

It's not just that I'm home after a long, amazing vacation with Shaun and Stacey, two of my best friends in the world. It's not just that I had to go back to work after days of lazy drives through the LA golden hour, hair whipping across my face, the windows rolled down. It's not just the 5:00 a.m. alarm.

I'm happy to be home with Lyall again, of course. And happy beyond words to be back with my games! (Thedas, I'm home again.) But I'm overwhelmed by the crushing reality of coming down from so many highs, the return to reality from a world where it was just me, my friends, a city, and lots and lots of good food.

Now every damn song I listen to reminds me of them.

I miss them so much.

And like... Stacey is pretty much my long-distance boyfriend, as I've gone over. You know that feeling you get when there's one person you want to be around all the time, talk to all the time, think about all the time? A person who you can't stop talking about to the point that you're clearly annoying everyone around you? Yeah. That's Stacey. It's this weird obsessive friendship where I want to learn every little thing about her and I couldn't imagine sharing my affection with anyone else. I have zero interest in dating anyone because I have her. I like her so much that she makes me nervous when I'm around her?? And she lives almost 1,000 miles away. A THOUSAND MILES. I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more... to internet stalk voice actors with Stacey. I don't... know where I'm going with this, except that it fucking sucks how far apart we are and I would legitimately 100% be even more of a mess right now and/or planning my next trip to visit her if she weren't already coming to see me in a matter of weeks.

And Shaun. SHAUB. She's one of those people I will always always love so intensely because of the year we shared together in London. Before that we'd never been close friends, but I loved her immediately when we reunited at Speedy's Cafe that September. Nobody else can possibly understand that part of my life like she can. We've only lived in the same city for that year in London, but it was one of the most important and formative years of my life, and I'll always make a point of seeing Shaun as much as I can whenever I can. She's one of those people who makes everything more fun and hilarious just by being there. I hate that she's so far away. I miss my London boyfriend!

So... this post was going to be super brief but it became a love letter to Shaun and Stacey I guess. Oops? Except not because I could write love letters to them every day.

There's just something about my girl friends. They mean more to me than any boyfriend could. They're emotionally supportive and encouraging. They understand me. They accept me exactly the way I am, and never ask me to be anything different. I love them so much and I miss them when they're not here.

I'm so sad. I had an amazing time in LA, but I'm so sad.

My only consolation is that I can be reunited with my Portland besties for the Hollywood Theater Oscars party this weekend, which is gonna be amazing.

2014

This isn't going to be the kind of blog post where I have photos and neatly ordered ideas all sectioned out nicely. I don't have the energy. And I rarely have the energy, which is why I've sort of stopped blogging recently. So from now on I think I'm going to try to blog more. But it won't be to attract followers or attention, it'll just be me writing. So if nobody but my mom and my best friends read it from now on, that's okay. I just feel like I need to write.

I wanted to do a sort of 2014 in review post, but realized that the only real noteworthy things I did was go to various comic cons and visit family in Montana and Texas. Which isn't that interesting except to me? So I didn't. And then I thought maybe I hadn't really done anything in 2014. You know, anything meaningful or noteworthy.

I'm so used to change. Major change. Since I was 23 I've experienced a major change in my life pretty much yearly. In 2009 I graduated from college and got my first full-time job. In 2010 I packed up everything I owned and moved to Portland with my boyfriend. In 2011 I moved to London to pursue an MA in creative writing, and in 2012 I returned to my boyfriend in Salt Lake City. In 2013 I realized how deeply, overwhelmingly unhappy I was and I got out. I went back to Portland, the one place that still felt like home, and I started building a life again.

And here I am. It's been over a year since I moved back, and I'm happy again. Really, stupidly happy. Maybe not many things have ~happened~ this year, but what really stands out to me about 2014 is the people. I met and got to know some wonderful, genuine, truly inspiring people.

In 2014 Leila moved to Portland, and I got to reconnect with her, which has been really awesome. She's such a fun person and she inspires me so goddamn much. If I had to name one person whose fault it was that I fell in love with comics, it would be her. She's such a positive, fun person and I can't wait to get to know her even better in 2015.

In 2014 I met Sam. On instagram? I'm pretty sure we met on instagram, which is kind of amazing. The great thing about Sam is that she's so open and funny and welcoming. From the second I started talking to her I felt like we'd known each other for years. We have so much in common, but even though she's far away in Canada, I can tell she's just a really good, genuine person. Fangirling with her over Dragon Age was one of the highlights of 2014, and I'm pretty certain that our Stargate bro tattoo adventure at Emerald City Comicon is going to be a highlight of 2015.

In 2014 I met Stacey, who knows exactly how I feel about her. I fucking love Stacey. I miss her so much and I've never met her. She means the entire world to me.

In 2014 I bonded with Georgia while making a cake for Megan's birthday, from scratch, for six hours. I hadn't known her for very long but because Rose loved her, I loved her. And out of that love was born the girl crew, my best friends, the sisters I never had. I love them so much. When I'm with them I feel completely safe, and utterly myself. From my devastating breakup to my rebounds to my stupid ongoing obsession with video games, they've been supportive and loyal and so much fucking fun. I'm endlessly grateful for them. Probably more than I can ever express adequately.

I just have a lot of love for the people in my life. Even if you're not mentioned here, know that if we have interacted, if we've laughed together or worked or had any kind of connection, I'm grateful for that. I'm so happy that I'm surrounded by good people. Thank you.

2014, you were a rad year. 2015, come at me bro!!

Shutter: Gateway Drug to Comics

This is the worst quality photo I'm so sorry to everyone.

O hai! Happiest of Odin's Day to you all. And how are you this fine November eve? I'm super great! I just got back from hangin' out at Cosmic Monkey Comics, where my friend Leila was doing a signing with Joe (her writer) for their comic Shutter! Volume 1 (a collection of issues 1-6) just came out this week, and having read all six issues pretty much as they came out, I can attest that it is Super Good. With capitals. It's kind of been my gateway drug into comics, which means an awful lot, because I've just recently discovered the wonder that is the world of comics. I can't believe it took me this long to sort my shit out, but at least I finally did!

Omg it's a ninja ghost just for me~

Shutter was the first time I read a comic and was like, "Oh wow, this is a cool story with beautiful art and a rad, engaging protagonist who I want to read about and follow on her adventures! I NEED MORE!" Which is awesome and I'm so grateful for it. Without Leila's friendship and subsequent guidance in my comics journey (she is constantly recommending new comics to us comic noobs, which is fantastic), I don't think I'd be sitting here today in bed, surrounded by finished, half-read, and soon-to-be-read comics while nursing a massive crush on Matt Fraction.

Of course other friends have given recommendations that have been spot on -- Ms. Marvel, Captain Marvel, and Hawkeye anyone?? -- but Shutter started it all, and I have Leila (and Joe!) to thank for that.

Hanging out in a comics shop with some of my best friends and talking comics, warm and cozy while it's blustery and cold outside -- what a lovely end to the day. Now talk comics to me: what do you read? What do you want to read? What do you recommend? Do you want recommendations from me, a comics noob?? Comics! Discuss.

What N7 Day Means to Me

"What does N7 mean to you?" BioWare asked in a blog post last month in anticipation of November 7th, now celebrated as N7 Day by Mass Effect fans. Well, buckle up, sit back, and get ready because I am going to tell you exactly what N7 means to me!!

We all know by now that I'm a huge fan of this series. I got an N7 tattoo immediately after finishing the game, and a half sleeve of Commander Shepard shortly after that. I'M A LITTLE OBSESSED. This game showed me a female character who I love more than anything. It introduced me to a fictional world that is so vivid and engaging that it's real to me. It's part of me.

But what N7 really really means to me, even more than the deep (and frankly impossible-to-express-in-mere-words) way it touched me, is connection. It means discovering an incredibly vast and welcoming fan base of people who are just as in love with the Mass Effect series, are just as emotionally invested, and wanna bang Garrus just as much as I do. Being a fan is more than just enthusiasm about the game. It's about sharing the experience with people who have that same enthusiasm, and letting that excitement bounce back and forth and grow into art, music, stories, conversation, whatever, inspired by this one thing we all love together.

Which brings me to the best, best thing I got out of the ridiculously intense emotional experience that was my first playthrough of Mass Effect. And by "thing" I mean person. And by person I mean Stacey. It's Stacey. Stacey is the best thing to come of Mass Effect for me, let's be real. Have you ever had the experience of meeting someone who you immediately get along with, who has the exact same stupid sense of humor as you, who understands all of your weird-as-shit personality quirks because they have those same quirks, and who just gets you? 100%? That's Stacey. I've never even met her in real life and we've only known each other for a short time, but I trust her as much as I trust family. It feels like we've been friends our whole lives.

I feel super lucky to have multiple girl friends who are like sisters to me, who I would kill and die for, and who I would trust with my life and all of my darkest, weirdest secrets. Stacey is now one of them (a friend, not a weird secret). She could call me in the middle of the night and ask me to drive through the night to LA and help her hide the body of the man she just murdered, and I would do it. No question. I'd engage in fisticuffs for her. No seriously, I would take a punch in the face. I'd also give as many punches in the face as I could manage with my very limited reach. And I'd play any goddamn video game she wanted me to, just to talk to her while doing multiplayer. EVEN SCARY ONES. Even Call of Duty.

And the thing is, Stacey is the one person I lived Mass Effect with. We played it almost in tandem; I finished the game after her, but she stayed up until 3:00 in the morning the day I finished so she could talk me down when I lost all of my shit as the credits rolled. She understood completely every ridiculous Mass Effect-related thought I had, every moment that upset me or made me laugh or made me cry. You know how at the end of Speed, Keanu Reeves says to Sandra Bullock, "I've heard relationships based on intense experiences never work"? Well he was DEAD WRONG because going through one of the most intense emotional experiences I've ever endured (aside from like, you know, breakups and the deaths of loved ones I guess, although this weirdly comes close?) with Stacey forged our bond like the One Ring in the fires of Mount Doom. Which means it's strong. It's a strong-as-fuck bond.

I used to be so worried that as we stopped replaying and replaying Mass Effect and moved on to other things, that our friendship would fade or diminish in some way. But it's only gotten stronger as we discover new things we have in common, and are continually reminded how similar we are. I just love her so much, you guys. It's stupid. And I may never have realized just how much I love her without Mass Effect.

So thank you, Mass Effect. Thank you Commander Shepard. Thank you Biotic God, thank you Thane in the vents, thank you "behind the crates", thank you Kaidan's scream in London, thank you Wrex cosplayer with the tiny arms. Thank you BioWare, you fucking brilliant assholes. N7 means the world to me because N7 means Stacey.

Love you, bae.

Best Halloween

We were supposed to be protecting Rose, the rat, but instead it looks like I'm attacking her violently.

I'm gonna go right ahead and say it: Halloween this year was the best Halloween I've had in recent memory! For real! I can't even think of a Halloween that was better. So I guess that means it's the best Halloween OF ALL TIME? Yes. Best of All Time.

I mean last Halloween was sort of okay because the office I worked in at the time was full of super geeky, awesome people who invited me to join their Clue-themed costume extravaganza, so that was fun! But I was still feeling sad about my breakup and I think probably went home and watched Pacific Rim and moped that night. So it's not very hard for Halloween 2014 to be better than Halloween 2013, but I feel like even if last Halloween wasn't depressing, it could never have lived up to this year's!

Trio o' heroes!

So let's go over Halloween 2014! My friends are perfect, to start. Megan, Georgia, and I dressed as Marvel heroes (Megan is Spider-Man in child-sized gloves and socks, Georgia is Thor, and I'm Captain America), and Rose dressed as a plague rat (her husband was a plague doctor but did not really take part in our festivities last night and is thus not pictured). We hung out and talked for hours at Georgia's and then went down to the Triple Nickel, a divey bar across the street, where I won a raffle and got a free drink WOOHOO!! And while dancing to Taylor Swift near the end of the night, clutching my child's shield and sweating profusely, I just felt so happy to be surrounded by friends who get me and are super super fun to be around no matter how introvert-y I may feel at a given time. Even if we had just spent the entire night eating Goldfish crackers and drinking wine in Georgia's place I would have had The Most Fun! I love these people. I love them a lot.

But let's not forget the office Halloween party, because that was also INCREDIBLE okay. I never knew work holidays could be so much fun?? Almost everybody dressed up, there was so much good food and a laser light show and a pumpkin pinata and a Scary Room with full-sized candy bars in the Scary Cauldron and favor bags and a bunch of people who I love being around for 40 hours every week! The whole day was so much fun it just sped by, and I was weirdly almost sad to go home at the end of the day, like when does that ever happen? Hashtag blessed.

The only down side of Halloween was the sheer amount of food I ate, which was probably my entire weight in junk?? And therefore I was sober all goddamn night. All night! Usually I'm a huge lightweight but I was stone cold sober pretty the whole time. All those Cheetos absorbed the booze. Not that it stopped me from dancing for hours and having the most fun time ever, but still! Lame.

I hope you all had Halloweens as fun as mine! What did you dress up as? Did you overeat and wanna hurl all day? The important questions. YAY HALLOWEEN 2014!!

Oscars Weekend

I'm not going to writing group tonight. I've been so busy with life that I didn't get the chance to read the submission, and I didn't want to speed read it and just be useless in the workshop, so I figured I'd just stay home, do some chores around the house, and fill out some DMV paperwork. Apparently I now get to pay money to turn my car into a salvaged car! Wow, thanks, state of Oregon. Hurrrgh, adult things!!

I've been eating a lot of Brussels sprouts lately. I think I'm trying to make up for an entire lifetime without them. I'd never tried them until last fall, and then bam it was instant love. They're perfect. I don't know what it is about them, but they have this subtle, savory flavor that's gorgeous. I saute them with olive oil and pepper and then I eat 'em. With lots of salt and pepper. I've been having them for dinner all the time, just Brussels sprouts, a pile of them on my plate. A super sad single person dinner.

Well I had an eventful weekend! I feel like I'm still recovering from all that socializing. On Friday night, as you know, Megan and I went to NTNT's EP release. Rose and Matt came, which was so awesome, and a bunch of Megan's friends also came along. It was basically just a ton of fun, drinks were cheap, and the music was amazing. Afterwards, Megan and I walked down to the Backstage Bar behind the Bagdad, because apparently nowhere on Hawthorne is open past midnight on a Friday? What the fuck is that all about? Thankfully one bar was open, and serving food, so we inhaled greasy burgers and talked until it was so late. I don't even know how late. So late that I slept until 3:00pm the next day, it turned out.

The next day was Megan's and my good friend Jasmine's birthday party, which we were so excited about. We met her through our friend Rachael, who we worked with at the call center from hell, and she ended up marrying Megan's good friend Dave, so it's now like this crazy network of friends and love! But anyway, I had to buy a dress for the party so I made Megan wander around the Lloyd Center with me for about 5 years while I tried on every dress forever. I fiiiiinally found one, and then we had to rush around getting food and wine and flowers, showering, and whatever. 

We showed up super late to the party, but nobody was mad at us, because everyone there was/is super sweet and amazing. I've hung out with this group of people twice now, and I already feel like they're all good friends. They're so welcoming and fun, and I don't understand why there weren't people like this in Utah. I always felt like the Utah people were keeping me at arm's length. Or maybe I was keeping myself at a distance. I dunno. WHO CARES, I'm not in Utah anymore, look at all the fucks I give! Anyway. The party was great, and I'm so thankful for Jasmine and Megan and all of their lovely friends who have been so warm and welcoming to a perfect stranger. It's a big deal to me.

Sunday was, of course, Oscar night! Rose, Georgia, Megan, and I started out at Red Robin because Megan had been craving their fries and tweeted about it earlier in the week, so it became a whole Thing and we had to go there for lunch before the Oscars. Then we met up at the Hollywood Theater, which was having an Oscars party with pizza and popcorn and cocktaaillls! We did not drink cocktails. We did, however, stuff ourselves with popcorn even though we had already eaten so, so many fries. So many fries. So many fries. I also ate a bunch of cookies that Georgia made, and a bunch of chocolate that Megan brought, and wanted to explode/die by the end of it. 

The Oscars were so much fun though! I've probably never had that much fun watching them before. The crowd was really into it because you could buy ballots and vote on what you thought would win and if you got them all right you won a year of free movies or something I dunno. But it was way fun! And we live tweeted! Well, Rose and I did. And then apparently my mom saw my tweets, and this one about Chris Evans' beard was the final straw because she started watching and live tweeting too. I love my mom! We both tweeted about DDL being a hottie and it was the highlight of my live tweeting experience. How the hell did anyone watch TV or any movie before twitter? I don't understand.

I still feel bloated and gross from the weekend. But it was super fun, and totally worth the disgust I am feeling right now in regards to my bloated, pale, doughy form! So worth it.

Shaun Weekend

Wow, I wanted to post about this past weekend FOREVER AGO (i.e. Monday), but I got in a stupid car wreck that afternoon (to answer your questions: it was not my fault; I am okay), and then yesterday I thought Lyall was going to die of Orbit gum overdose because he ate my entire pack of gum, that asshole, so I had to call poison control and pay $65 for them to be like "Good news! Your dog isn't going to die." So it's been a rough couple of days. By "rough" I mean not really that bad, but still super annoying and stressful. Anyway, whatever, it is not time for me to whinge about unfortunate recent events. It's time for me to talk about my weekend with Shaun!

Shaun, who you may know as my UK Adventure Bestie and London Boyfriend, flew out to Portland from Denver to hang out over the weekend! I cannot even tell you how excited I was for this visit. The last time I'd seen Shaun was at Denver Comic Con last year, so almost a year. The time we spent in London together made her one of my closest, best friends, and it was so much fun to see her again and talk and drink cider and go shopping, just like old times!

On Friday evening, the day she flew in, we walked up to the Caldera Public House, which is hands down by far the coziest, most inviting pub I've been to in Portland. And it's like three blocks from my house, score! We had dinner and drank cider and talked for hours. I could have sat there for the rest of the weekend and been happy, but we had hipster missions to accomplish!

On Saturday we woke up early and headed in the other direction to Seven Virtues, a coffee shop that I'd been meaning to try and just never got around to until then. Guess what guys, if you like a breakfast bagel sandwich with lots of egg and butter and cheese, then you should go to this place. Most delicious breakfast bagel sandwich... of all time? Not sure. But definitely in the top 5. We hung out there for a while and then drove down to Hawthorne, where we browsed vintage and record shops, and found Sherlock's chair and an old photo booth. Double awesome!

We grabbed crepes at Chez Machin because we apparently hadn't eaten enough carbs that morning, and then jetted off to pick up Megan for the National Theatre Live screening of Coriolanus. It was pretty ridiculous because none of us could follow the plot, and had no idea what anyone was saying, and I nearly fell asleep during the first half, but we were all 100% aware of what Tom Hiddleston's butt was doing at any given moment. And at one point he was wearing a semi-sheer white robe? Why. Actually, no, I'm not questioning it. I will just accept Tom Hiddleston's shadowy crotch at face value.

After the show we needed to get our blood pumpin', so we went shopping, obvies. I only found a black cardigan and a shirt, the latter of which I promptly stained with beet juice when I wore it to work yesterday, but it was super fun because Shaun/Megan/shopping! The rest of the evening was spent at dinner (Thai Peacock), talking, drinking cider (Bushwhackers), talking, eating (Montage; why did we eat so much??), and talking. And eating. When we were finished I think we were all about to explode from over-eating, and I could barely keep my eyes open. But I got to spend so many quality hours of eating and talking and shopping with Shaun and Megan, so I am okay with that.

Sunday was spent much the same way as Saturday: eating, and of course shopping. We met up with Rose and Shaun's friend Lety for brunch at City State Diner, after which Shaun, Lety, and I took the party to Powell's. Shaun saw Jackpot Records on the way there and had to buy another record or whatever (ugh such a hipster). Shaun and I then made our way up to Urban Outfitters and all the shops along Northwest 23rd, before heading back home to relax for a bit. Later that evening we met up with Rose and Matt at the Bagdad Theater to see The Lego Movie and stuff more food into our faces. The movie was super funny, but we also felt like it had been hyped too much? Or maybe our expectations were too high. I feel like people initially went into it with low expectations and were really excited about Batman, but after all of the suuuuper good reviews I'd read, it fell a bit flat for me. I won't speak for Shaun, but she totally agreed.

Monday was the worst day of all time because it was the day Shaun left and also the day a total douchenozzle hit my car with his work van, but at least it started off well: with more breakfast bagel sandwiches! Okay I didn't have a sandwich, I just had a normal bagel with cream cheese. But whatever. The weekend was not a long enough time to hang out with Shaun, and I'm still so sad that she's back in Denver. But I'll see her again in a matter of months, and it'll be amazing, because DCC, bitches! We're gonna geek so hard!

Sorry this is such a long, boring, horribly written account of Shaun Weekend. I mostly just want to remember exactly where we ate at every meal so I can be like "oh yeahhh that Old Mac was damn good" in a year's time. Also for my mom. Hi, mom.

I already miss Shaun so fucking much. She's the greatest. Thanks for letting me drag you all around Portland, Shaun! It was so much fun! Love you tonnes. x

Women I Love

Sometimes it still doesn't seem real that I'm back in Portland. I've been here for almost six months and I still get little thrills at random moments, remembering that I'm here. I didn't realize how important it is to be around close girl friends until I didn't have any for a year. Being able to see Rose and buy weird cat/dog mom sweaters together in Christmas colors, whenever I want, is never going to get old. We've been friends since 5th grade, and it's so awesome that we've stayed so close for all this time, and I'm over the moon about living so close to her.

I was thinking a while ago that if my high school self could have envisioned the perfect life for my future 27-year-old self, this would pretty much be it. I'm in a city I love with so many people who I love, and pursuing the things that matter to me. Coming back to Portland was the best decision I've ever made, and it feels like it was meant to be. I found a job I really like, a place to live with an amazing housemate, and an awesome writing group. Things just super worked out, and I'm so happy about that!

This weekend I spent a lot of time talking with women who I love, trust, and whose thoughts I value. Being able to share my life with people who are so important to me, and who make me feel so loved and supported, is incredible. And it means even more to me now, after a year in Utah where I didn't know anyone, and missed my girl friends so much I cried about it every weekend for the first several months of living there. 

When I had my tarot reading a few months ago, I was told that three women would be helping me to heal in this tumultuous period of my life. But every single woman I love, far more than just three, has been there for me, healing me, and supporting me. I feel so lucky to know so many amazing women. Thank you all for being in my life! You know who you are.

Weekend With Shaun

Apologies for the lack of posts over the last several days! My friend Shaun, fangirl soulmate and fellow Brit-at-heart, came to visit from Denver for the weekend, so I didn't have the time or inclination to blog. It was so fun seeing her again, going shopping, watching Queer Eye on Netflix, and reminiscing (much to Greg's chagrin) about London. I can't believe we both lived there for a year -- and more, on Shaun's part -- and now we're both only an hour's flight away from one another, back in the States!

Hopefully these weekend jaunts will become a regular thing. I'll be flying to Denver at the end of May for Denver Comic Con, which will be amazing! I miss geeking out with Shaun, so I'm pretty sure DCC (can I abbreviate it to DCC?) will be a flipping blast. Hurray! Are any of you going to DCC?

Anyway, the photo above is Shaun and I posing with a beer pong set. We thought it was funny because there was a grammatical error on the packaging. We are super awesome, not lame at all!

Faraway Friends

Feeling sentimental again. Or did I ever stop? I suppose my life is an unending cycle of sentimentality and melancholy, interspersed with moments of sleeping. I'm usually relatively happy, but lately I'm feeling like such a useless lump that it's hard. I am a useless lump; Greg confirmed it. I won't deny it. It's true.

I miss my friends. I mean, I always did, but tonight it actually hurts. Greg's absence has been hurting me every day since I flew out of Portland, I cry almost every night (I feel so pathetic typing that), but the absence of my friends has been a dull ache. Of course I miss them, but then I'm used to friends moving, going to college, leaving Montana, joining the Peace Corps, going to grad school. I was even the one leaving, once, but nobody really missed me except my mom, and I went to Portland where my best friends were. Now I've left them, not even a full two years later, and I'm alone again. Tonight the dull ache is a sharper pang.






I'm being a sadsack but if I can't be a sadsack in my own blog where the hell can I be one? I guess I'm writing this for my friends back in Portland, mostly. I miss you guys. I miss you guys so much. At the end of this stint in England, what I want most is to go back to Portland and see you all again, drink Oregon beer with you again, eat a shit-ton of Thai food because there's so much of it in Portland (and so little by comparison in London), and watch Trek in the Park or have coffee on Hawthorne. I think of home, and it's Portland. It's all of you there.

I don't know if I'll make it back. There are so many things that could happen in a year. I could be taken on by a British publishing house, doomed to spend years in London working with my agent and editing and promoting my novel (ha!). I could decide to fly back to Utah to meet Greg, and stay there for years. I might decide I need to cut all earthly bonds and ascend, like Daniel Jackson in SG-1. I could even fall so deeply in love with England that I could never imagine leaving. You never know. I accept that. I do. I think I do, a little. Maybe? ...I accept, anyway, that I don't know what's ahead.






I do know that if I had my way, "home" would always be in Portland. I'd have a city to go back to. Because ever since Missoula grew too small for me, I've only felt at home in one place, and it was my one-bedroom apartment in Southeast Portland. I fucking loved that place. It was the best place. Greg and I made it ours. It was our cozy Portland place. I miss it.




I don't regret a thing, though. London? I love it here! It's London! But it's huge, chaotic, and grasping. I imagine when it's done with me it'll spit me out, like an owl pellet, whereas Portland would always hold me close to its beating heart. I don't mind. London might be too much for me in the long-term, but there's always the rest of England. And the world.

You never know.

I do know that I miss you all. My friends. You mean more to me than anything else in the world. So come visit me, you giant lazy butts. ♥

Finally, though, I'm more than a pile of fucking grateful for Shaun, my fellow ex-patriot trapped in London's wonderful claws. We love it here. It's absolutely amazing. We're like adventurers, explorers, spelunking in the great foreign recesses of the city. Sometimes we get lost, feel lonely or homesick, have weird emotional outbursts for no reason, but at least we have each other. And we make this city pretty damn fun when we have a mind to.