Oscars Weekend

I'm not going to writing group tonight. I've been so busy with life that I didn't get the chance to read the submission, and I didn't want to speed read it and just be useless in the workshop, so I figured I'd just stay home, do some chores around the house, and fill out some DMV paperwork. Apparently I now get to pay money to turn my car into a salvaged car! Wow, thanks, state of Oregon. Hurrrgh, adult things!!

I've been eating a lot of Brussels sprouts lately. I think I'm trying to make up for an entire lifetime without them. I'd never tried them until last fall, and then bam it was instant love. They're perfect. I don't know what it is about them, but they have this subtle, savory flavor that's gorgeous. I saute them with olive oil and pepper and then I eat 'em. With lots of salt and pepper. I've been having them for dinner all the time, just Brussels sprouts, a pile of them on my plate. A super sad single person dinner.

Well I had an eventful weekend! I feel like I'm still recovering from all that socializing. On Friday night, as you know, Megan and I went to NTNT's EP release. Rose and Matt came, which was so awesome, and a bunch of Megan's friends also came along. It was basically just a ton of fun, drinks were cheap, and the music was amazing. Afterwards, Megan and I walked down to the Backstage Bar behind the Bagdad, because apparently nowhere on Hawthorne is open past midnight on a Friday? What the fuck is that all about? Thankfully one bar was open, and serving food, so we inhaled greasy burgers and talked until it was so late. I don't even know how late. So late that I slept until 3:00pm the next day, it turned out.

The next day was Megan's and my good friend Jasmine's birthday party, which we were so excited about. We met her through our friend Rachael, who we worked with at the call center from hell, and she ended up marrying Megan's good friend Dave, so it's now like this crazy network of friends and love! But anyway, I had to buy a dress for the party so I made Megan wander around the Lloyd Center with me for about 5 years while I tried on every dress forever. I fiiiiinally found one, and then we had to rush around getting food and wine and flowers, showering, and whatever. 

We showed up super late to the party, but nobody was mad at us, because everyone there was/is super sweet and amazing. I've hung out with this group of people twice now, and I already feel like they're all good friends. They're so welcoming and fun, and I don't understand why there weren't people like this in Utah. I always felt like the Utah people were keeping me at arm's length. Or maybe I was keeping myself at a distance. I dunno. WHO CARES, I'm not in Utah anymore, look at all the fucks I give! Anyway. The party was great, and I'm so thankful for Jasmine and Megan and all of their lovely friends who have been so warm and welcoming to a perfect stranger. It's a big deal to me.

Sunday was, of course, Oscar night! Rose, Georgia, Megan, and I started out at Red Robin because Megan had been craving their fries and tweeted about it earlier in the week, so it became a whole Thing and we had to go there for lunch before the Oscars. Then we met up at the Hollywood Theater, which was having an Oscars party with pizza and popcorn and cocktaaillls! We did not drink cocktails. We did, however, stuff ourselves with popcorn even though we had already eaten so, so many fries. So many fries. So many fries. I also ate a bunch of cookies that Georgia made, and a bunch of chocolate that Megan brought, and wanted to explode/die by the end of it. 

The Oscars were so much fun though! I've probably never had that much fun watching them before. The crowd was really into it because you could buy ballots and vote on what you thought would win and if you got them all right you won a year of free movies or something I dunno. But it was way fun! And we live tweeted! Well, Rose and I did. And then apparently my mom saw my tweets, and this one about Chris Evans' beard was the final straw because she started watching and live tweeting too. I love my mom! We both tweeted about DDL being a hottie and it was the highlight of my live tweeting experience. How the hell did anyone watch TV or any movie before twitter? I don't understand.

I still feel bloated and gross from the weekend. But it was super fun, and totally worth the disgust I am feeling right now in regards to my bloated, pale, doughy form! So worth it.

Friday Food Carts

Shitty pic of my food cart food, all right!!

Well it's been a long week in Megland. Not technically, because I had Monday off to hang with Shaun until she left, but having to deal with my stupid car wreck (my car is technically totaled, huzzah!) and all of the stupid insurance nonsense it entailed was pretty tedious and exhausting. And then I forgot to buy tickets this morning to the Chvrches show in April, so of course they are already sold out. And I was supposed to get them for myself and Megan, so I'm basically the worst friend of all time?? Fml forever.

Anyway. Tonight will hopefully improve upon my week, because it's NTNT's new EP release party! Megan and I used to work with Dustin, the band's lead, and one time I spent an entire Saturday sitting at the edge of a stage with my cello while they rocked out behind me, for some music video or something? Which never actually came of anything. So yeah. That was neat. No really it was pretty cool. At the time it was suuuper long and boring, but in retrospect it was a fascinating experience. If you are in the Portland area and really want to see some good live music tonight, you should come to their show! It'll be great I swear! Seriously their music rules. Here is the info.

In other news, today I finally had enough foresight and cajones to go to the food carts for lunch! And actually buy food! I am sooo excited about this. I went to an Indonesian one that is apparently new, but it's called Satay Indonesia, and it's right by the gyro cart on SW Alder and 9th? I think? Anyway, it was super delicious and I am all jazzed about that, because it was $5 and the perfect amount of food. It was a tiny bit spicy for my taste, but not so much that the food was impossible to enjoy. So yay! You should all check it out, because I said I would tell my friends. What cart will I try next? I need to plan these things very far in advance because I'm just about that spontaneous life.

Shaun Weekend

Wow, I wanted to post about this past weekend FOREVER AGO (i.e. Monday), but I got in a stupid car wreck that afternoon (to answer your questions: it was not my fault; I am okay), and then yesterday I thought Lyall was going to die of Orbit gum overdose because he ate my entire pack of gum, that asshole, so I had to call poison control and pay $65 for them to be like "Good news! Your dog isn't going to die." So it's been a rough couple of days. By "rough" I mean not really that bad, but still super annoying and stressful. Anyway, whatever, it is not time for me to whinge about unfortunate recent events. It's time for me to talk about my weekend with Shaun!

Shaun, who you may know as my UK Adventure Bestie and London Boyfriend, flew out to Portland from Denver to hang out over the weekend! I cannot even tell you how excited I was for this visit. The last time I'd seen Shaun was at Denver Comic Con last year, so almost a year. The time we spent in London together made her one of my closest, best friends, and it was so much fun to see her again and talk and drink cider and go shopping, just like old times!

On Friday evening, the day she flew in, we walked up to the Caldera Public House, which is hands down by far the coziest, most inviting pub I've been to in Portland. And it's like three blocks from my house, score! We had dinner and drank cider and talked for hours. I could have sat there for the rest of the weekend and been happy, but we had hipster missions to accomplish!

On Saturday we woke up early and headed in the other direction to Seven Virtues, a coffee shop that I'd been meaning to try and just never got around to until then. Guess what guys, if you like a breakfast bagel sandwich with lots of egg and butter and cheese, then you should go to this place. Most delicious breakfast bagel sandwich... of all time? Not sure. But definitely in the top 5. We hung out there for a while and then drove down to Hawthorne, where we browsed vintage and record shops, and found Sherlock's chair and an old photo booth. Double awesome!

We grabbed crepes at Chez Machin because we apparently hadn't eaten enough carbs that morning, and then jetted off to pick up Megan for the National Theatre Live screening of Coriolanus. It was pretty ridiculous because none of us could follow the plot, and had no idea what anyone was saying, and I nearly fell asleep during the first half, but we were all 100% aware of what Tom Hiddleston's butt was doing at any given moment. And at one point he was wearing a semi-sheer white robe? Why. Actually, no, I'm not questioning it. I will just accept Tom Hiddleston's shadowy crotch at face value.

After the show we needed to get our blood pumpin', so we went shopping, obvies. I only found a black cardigan and a shirt, the latter of which I promptly stained with beet juice when I wore it to work yesterday, but it was super fun because Shaun/Megan/shopping! The rest of the evening was spent at dinner (Thai Peacock), talking, drinking cider (Bushwhackers), talking, eating (Montage; why did we eat so much??), and talking. And eating. When we were finished I think we were all about to explode from over-eating, and I could barely keep my eyes open. But I got to spend so many quality hours of eating and talking and shopping with Shaun and Megan, so I am okay with that.

Sunday was spent much the same way as Saturday: eating, and of course shopping. We met up with Rose and Shaun's friend Lety for brunch at City State Diner, after which Shaun, Lety, and I took the party to Powell's. Shaun saw Jackpot Records on the way there and had to buy another record or whatever (ugh such a hipster). Shaun and I then made our way up to Urban Outfitters and all the shops along Northwest 23rd, before heading back home to relax for a bit. Later that evening we met up with Rose and Matt at the Bagdad Theater to see The Lego Movie and stuff more food into our faces. The movie was super funny, but we also felt like it had been hyped too much? Or maybe our expectations were too high. I feel like people initially went into it with low expectations and were really excited about Batman, but after all of the suuuuper good reviews I'd read, it fell a bit flat for me. I won't speak for Shaun, but she totally agreed.

Monday was the worst day of all time because it was the day Shaun left and also the day a total douchenozzle hit my car with his work van, but at least it started off well: with more breakfast bagel sandwiches! Okay I didn't have a sandwich, I just had a normal bagel with cream cheese. But whatever. The weekend was not a long enough time to hang out with Shaun, and I'm still so sad that she's back in Denver. But I'll see her again in a matter of months, and it'll be amazing, because DCC, bitches! We're gonna geek so hard!

Sorry this is such a long, boring, horribly written account of Shaun Weekend. I mostly just want to remember exactly where we ate at every meal so I can be like "oh yeahhh that Old Mac was damn good" in a year's time. Also for my mom. Hi, mom.

I already miss Shaun so fucking much. She's the greatest. Thanks for letting me drag you all around Portland, Shaun! It was so much fun! Love you tonnes. x

Slush Day

Selfies with Lyall always go awry. One of us inevitably ends up looking stupid. Or, in this case, both. And yet I continue to do it, all the time. 

Today was a good day. I got to work late because the first bus that came by my stop was "drop off only" (okay whatever guys), and the next one got stuck at the next stop and the driver had to make somebody go out and tell him when there was no traffic so he could back up out of the ice. But I made it to work! I probably could have stayed home and worked remotely, but I was so fucking stir crazy after being pretty much trapped inside all weekend.

After work I took the bus to my poor stranded car, where I had planned to get in and speed away all cool out of the slush, with my sunglasses on, yeaahhhhh. But I was actually still stuck in the snow. So I had to call Louise's boyfriend and make him shovel all the snow and ice out of the way, and then he and two strangers who came out of the woodwork helped me push my car out of the mire. Has anyone else noticed that strangers are always coming out of the woodwork to make themselves helpful in Portland? It's like you can't go two steps without someone being pleasant or useful to you in some way. Disconcerting after living in London, but I still love it. Because Portland.

Then Louise, her boyfriend, and I all met up at the Tabor Tavern for happy hour. Next time I'm getting the cauliflower fritters. And not the chili. Warning, future self: always ask if the chili is spicy before you order it.

And then, for some godforsaken reason that nobody will ever fully understand, Louise made us all go to Pix Patisserie, which was amazing and horrible and we ordered like two tiny things to share, and I felt like I was going to fold in on myself, the dessert in my stomach was so dense. Oh man.

Anyway. Tomorrow the first chapter of my book is being workshopped at the writing group, and I'm super nervous. The groups are switched up every week so I'm not sure I even know everyone who will be giving me feedback, and ugh. I'm super worried nobody will get it and everyone will think I'm the worst writer they've ever come across and will throw me out into the street and start chucking slush at me.

I mean it's a rational fear though.

I'm really excited, despite the terror. Hopefully this will motivate me to actually revise my novel a bit more, and maybe actually make it publishable? Maybe? Eh. We'll see. In the meantime I've started the "coming to Portland" short story, which is painfully autobiographical so far and could stand to be more interesting. Sometimes real life is interesting, but other times it's just a long string of really pointless dialogue with no apparent purpose.

Just like my novel.

Haha I'm kidding!! Am I? No. Okay. I'm going to bed. Because I work at an unholy hour and I still have to dry my hair.

Gratitude

I'm not sure how many times I can say it before it becomes completely annoying and even nonsensical, but. I'm gonna say it again. I am so glad I'm back in Portland. So. Fucking. Glad.

Sometimes I think about the alternate universe that split off from this one when I decided to break up with Greg and leave Utah behind. There's a Meg living in that universe, still in Utah, probably still unhappy and lost and alone and wondering if things are ever going to get better. She may be more comfortable than I am at present -- both financially, emotionally, and psychologically -- but I would never trade my universe for hers. Not for anything. 

There are moments when I'm brought vividly back to what my headspace was like in Utah. Thinking I would never, ever again get to live in Portland. That I'd never live in the same city as my best friends again. That I'd never get to feel quite as at home as I do in Portland. And then I come back to the present, and here I am, back home, and it feels so incredibly good. Every day after work when I come through that tunnel and see downtown all lit up, I am so goddamn grateful. And driving to work, I look at the big, ridiculous Portland, Oregon sign facing the Burnside bridge and I feel more excited about life than I ever did in Utah.

Yeah, there have been a lot of shit moments in the past two months. Countless ones. I cry all the time, I feel lonely and sad and anxious at least once every day. But I'm experiencing life, not just letting it happen around me, and that is infinitely better than settling into a rut. I remind myself every day that the rest of my life is what I make of it, that I'm in my favorite city in the world, and that no matter what happens, I am living.

And shit, I get to meet good friends for Thai after work and drive through the rain and read fanfic as much as I want and make plans to see Thor: The Dark World with the people I love most in the world. If that isn't something to be grateful for, I don't know what is.

I'm so, so fucking grateful. For everything.

Faraway Friends

Feeling sentimental again. Or did I ever stop? I suppose my life is an unending cycle of sentimentality and melancholy, interspersed with moments of sleeping. I'm usually relatively happy, but lately I'm feeling like such a useless lump that it's hard. I am a useless lump; Greg confirmed it. I won't deny it. It's true.

I miss my friends. I mean, I always did, but tonight it actually hurts. Greg's absence has been hurting me every day since I flew out of Portland, I cry almost every night (I feel so pathetic typing that), but the absence of my friends has been a dull ache. Of course I miss them, but then I'm used to friends moving, going to college, leaving Montana, joining the Peace Corps, going to grad school. I was even the one leaving, once, but nobody really missed me except my mom, and I went to Portland where my best friends were. Now I've left them, not even a full two years later, and I'm alone again. Tonight the dull ache is a sharper pang.






I'm being a sadsack but if I can't be a sadsack in my own blog where the hell can I be one? I guess I'm writing this for my friends back in Portland, mostly. I miss you guys. I miss you guys so much. At the end of this stint in England, what I want most is to go back to Portland and see you all again, drink Oregon beer with you again, eat a shit-ton of Thai food because there's so much of it in Portland (and so little by comparison in London), and watch Trek in the Park or have coffee on Hawthorne. I think of home, and it's Portland. It's all of you there.

I don't know if I'll make it back. There are so many things that could happen in a year. I could be taken on by a British publishing house, doomed to spend years in London working with my agent and editing and promoting my novel (ha!). I could decide to fly back to Utah to meet Greg, and stay there for years. I might decide I need to cut all earthly bonds and ascend, like Daniel Jackson in SG-1. I could even fall so deeply in love with England that I could never imagine leaving. You never know. I accept that. I do. I think I do, a little. Maybe? ...I accept, anyway, that I don't know what's ahead.






I do know that if I had my way, "home" would always be in Portland. I'd have a city to go back to. Because ever since Missoula grew too small for me, I've only felt at home in one place, and it was my one-bedroom apartment in Southeast Portland. I fucking loved that place. It was the best place. Greg and I made it ours. It was our cozy Portland place. I miss it.




I don't regret a thing, though. London? I love it here! It's London! But it's huge, chaotic, and grasping. I imagine when it's done with me it'll spit me out, like an owl pellet, whereas Portland would always hold me close to its beating heart. I don't mind. London might be too much for me in the long-term, but there's always the rest of England. And the world.

You never know.

I do know that I miss you all. My friends. You mean more to me than anything else in the world. So come visit me, you giant lazy butts. ♥

Finally, though, I'm more than a pile of fucking grateful for Shaun, my fellow ex-patriot trapped in London's wonderful claws. We love it here. It's absolutely amazing. We're like adventurers, explorers, spelunking in the great foreign recesses of the city. Sometimes we get lost, feel lonely or homesick, have weird emotional outbursts for no reason, but at least we have each other. And we make this city pretty damn fun when we have a mind to.