Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Human/Geek Interactions (ugh)

"Ugh, social interactions!"
The main problem with being a geek, I've found, is making other geek friends. Most people around me tend not to know or care what I'm talking about when I make some stupid reference to a Skyrim mod, for example (I don't even fuckin play Skyrim), and while that's fine in general, sometimes I just want to talk to other girls (or guys I guess) who have played Mass Effect! In person, over beer! But I seem to have the worst time trying to befriend other geeks. I don't know if it's just a symptom of all geeks being socially awkward and incapable of engaging in relaxed, easy conversation with one another, but I always find myself feeling totally lame and like a social fail whale every time I attempt to interact with another geek.

I feel like, whenever I'm interacting with geeky people who I don't know very well, I either come off as way too awkward, fangirly, and excitable, or -- on the opposite spectrum -- way too normal and aloof. What the hell! How does this happen? I find it so hard to not feel like I'm failing in some way in these types of social situations. Am I just so anxiety-ridden that I'll never have what I feel is a successful interaction with geeks? It's easy with normal people, you just talk about Breaking Bad and your favorite bar or something and you're done. But with geeks there's this whole layer of insecurity and terror. For me, at least.

I think part of the difficulty with geeks is that I always feel this pressure to know what I'm talking about, but also not be a crazed fangirl. You know -- I need to read every Thor comic and play the entire BioShock series and watch all of The X-Files or whatever else, but on the other hand I can't be all like, "Do you wanna see my Garrus body pillow? Do you wanna see this slashy fanart I'm drawing? What's your favorite Sherlock/John fanvid?" I mean those are all totally plausible things that I would say, but I worry that it's veering into the creepy realm of geekery and I'm scared that people will judge me.

I don't even know. I'm just generally the type of person who has no idea how to interact with other humans, and when I do it successfully it's like the best thing, and worthy of celebrating. But when it goes even slightly wrong, it haunts me for days. And I haven't yet mastered the art of communing with my geek brethren. So as it is, I feel like it's not even worth risking the embarrassment most of the time? I should practice. Maybe I'll do that at Rose City Comic Con by hitting on dudes in Dragon Age cosplay or something, because that won't be an awkward means of meeting new people at all! Life's hard for a socially awkward geek. It's real hard.

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