It's a Monday

Garrus and Thor have nothing to do with this blog post!

I don't have anything specific to discuss on the blog tonight, but I've been trying to update more frequently and to try not to feel like I need to be super interesting for anyone except me. I love it so much when people read and comment on my blog, but in the end I do it so that I'll have a record of my exciting life to go back and read years from now when I'm like, "What was I up to on August 18th, 2014? Something cool, probs!" And I'll be wrong, because I'm sitting in bed with no pants on, listening to my stupid Mass Effect playlist and blogging.

"What's that, Meg? Mass Effect playlist?" Funny you should ask! That's right. I made a dumb playlist of songs that remind me of Mass Effect. To be completely honest I got most of the songs from other people's ME playlists on 8tracks. Okay SEGUE can we discuss 8tracks for a moment please? Okay so:

1) Is the 8tracks app working properly for anyone else who just so happens to have the 8tracks app and also reads my blog? I know for a fact that there are hundreds of ME playlists on there but it only shows me between like, 10 and 20 at a time and then just stops scrolling at an arbitrary point. Does this happen to anyone else? Am I using it wrong? HELP.

2) 8tracks is the most amazing site and I'm addicted to it. I've always loved associating certain music with my favorite things, be it books, video games, TV shows, etc. It's a way to enjoy thinking about/experiencing the thing you love when you can't actually read/watch/play it. So I sit at work all day and listen to people's ME playlists, and it makes me feel like I'm connecting with their ME feels through the music, and it's a beautiful, magical thing! The greatest feeling, though, is when you discover that somebody else in the world has a song on their fandom playlist that you also have on your fandom playlist, that you thought nobody else would have because it seems kinda random?? Okay my song (obviously I'm talking about a specific experience here) was "Un Nouveau Soleil" by M83, on some soundtrack they did for a French sex comedy (???), which I happened to be listening to a lot when I experienced the onset of ME feels. It was all space-y and epic and so I would listen to it and think about Shepard and all of her adventures and all of the things she had yet to accomplish and the pain that I assumed she would have to endure (this was before I'd finished ME3). It was My Song for ME and Shepard. And then what do you know, but last week I was listening to somebody's 8tracks playlist and BOOM, there was my song! On their ME playlist! And it totally made my dayyyy. It's actually still making my day. Just knowing that someone out there listens to that same song and feels the same or similar emotions about ME makes me feel so connected to that person on a deep level. I know I sound crazy but dang do I love that crazy.

Moving right along. So I've been going to Weight Watchers meetings since I got back from visiting my mom in Montana with Megan (which I feel like I should blog about but it's weeks ago now so I probably won't). Apparently I gained 10 lbs since I moved back to Portland (due to having too much fun and eating too much amazing food, obvs), and I've been trying to lose weight for ages but have only succeeded in gaining more. So because I can't get anything done unless I'm afraid of being shamed in front of other people (they don't shame you in WW, I'm just saying), I paid a lot of monies to go sit with a bunch of mom types every Monday at 5:30 and talk about healthy eating and stuff. And I actually love it? Not only do I get to sit with mom types who give me milkshake packets and share their pens with me, but it makes me feel like I'm part of something aside from work and writing group, which I like a lot. And it's helped me to lose 2.2 lbs so far! Hooray, me! Only like, 5 more lbs until I can actually fit into my clothes again. I've honestly had to buy pretty much an entirely new work wardrobe due to this weight gain and it's not cool man! I miss my old clothes.

God could I have written a more boring blog post? Probably, but we will never know. I have to try to sleep now, which won't happen for another hour at least, but a girl can dream.

Tiny Rut

I just had a fleeting moment of, "Oh, I should post pics from my trip to Northern Ireland on St. Patrick's Day because Ireland!" but then realized I'd have to dig out my external hard drive and then pick which photos to use and edit them and all of that business, and promptly said fuck it, so here's an old Instagram of my car.

Okay wow so I started writing this post about half an hour ago, but got super engrossed in this tumblr devoted to man-buns. Which is, obviously, my new fave place on the internet. Goddamn, why don't more dudes grow out their luscious man-hair and turn it into a man-bun? Sure, some girls think it's gross. You don't wanna date those girls. I feel like if I were a man, I would totally go the bun route. It's obviously the hottest route in which to go. Okay I'm just typing in circles here about man-buns. Moving on.

I've finished the first draft of the short story I'm working on. I think I'm going to cut most of it, but I have a satisfactory "climax" if you will (shut up, pervs) that ties up the emo nonsense that is my story. I've never really written nonfiction like this, so it's... weird. And by "nonfiction" I mean autobiographical. It feels kinda like I'm jerking myself off a lot of the time, but it's also very cathartic. And hard to write without making myself sound just as neurotic, over-emotional, and socially awkward as I actually am. I have to maintain some air of competence here.

Anyway. I'm feeling the social life overload. For an introvert I've not devoted very much time to hermit activities lately, and it's starting to wear on me. I could sit in my room and watch House of Cards for the next week straight, not talk to a single soul outside of the internet, and be perfectly content. ...Of course I say that, but I'm sure after two days I'd start to go stir crazy.

In other news, I'm thinking about going to have my tarot read again, or to see a counselor for a few sessions, or both. I feel like I'm emerging from this really confusing, grief-stricken period of my life, and I'm not sure where to catch my footing. I'm pretty proud of myself for joining the writing group, actually making friends at work, and maintaining some sort of social life without going completely insane, but I feel like I'm in a tiny rut and I need a boost out. Or maybe it's just the long winter catching up with me.

Either way, I'll sort it out. And now you should all probably listen to this song, because it's beautiful:

Video Game Music

I talk about this a lot, but oh well. Have another post about video games and/or their music.

Last night I was having a serious bout of nostalgia over video game music. Some people say smells bring back the strongest memories, but for me it's always been music. I used to listen to Enya while falling asleep after my dad would read Lord of the Rings to me every night, and so I've always associated Enya's Shepherd Moons with those books. I always listen to music when I read, so I have a very long list of books that go with specific albums or songs.

But when I associate music with a specific period in my life, that evokes such strong emotion that I feel like I'm almost traveling back in time, feeling the exact emotions I felt when I was listening to a certain song or artist, months or years in the past. Florence + the Machine's Ceremonials will always bring me back to London, riding the bus on dark rainy nights, watching the blurred lights of the city pass me by as I lean against the fogged-up windows.

When I listen to music from video games, though, it's powerful in a different sense. It's bringing me back, not to a time or place in my own life, but in another world altogether. I've never been a realist, and I much prefer escaping into fantasy worlds to doing whatever it is other people do (read crime novels? Eat cereal? I don't know). Video games are so important to me in that respect. They're not a waste of time or a distraction, as many people would see them. Last year while I was in Utah, I was trying to figure out what I could do to make myself happier, so I made this thing Greg suggested -- a value map. I had to write down my most important life values, and then gauge how my life was staying true to those values. One of mine was "escapism". It's a term with negative connotations, but it's always been of incredible importance to me. Ever since I was a kid, my dad and I escaped into magical worlds together. We both longed so much to eat at the tables of Rivendell, to lie on our backs in the grass of the Shire and gaze up into the sun-dappled trees. We ached to open up a wardrobe and find ourselves in Narnia. It was such a huge part of my childhood, and I wouldn't be who I am today without that desire to go somewhere new, and magical, and full of adventure.

I never stopped yearning for those worlds. When I started playing WoW it was for a boyfriend, but I hadn't expected to be so drawn to that world. It was beautiful. There were skies with northern lights that you would never see on this earth, mountains that disappeared into the clouds, fjords guarded by dragons, islands that drifted in the sky. Sometimes it took my breath away. It felt like I was really there, in that world, a world that would never exist in this reality. And there was always music. 

It's silly, but I remember the day the Wrath of the Lich King expansion came out, and I boarded the zeppelin that would take me from Orgrimmar to the Howling Fjord. That music, the music you can only hear on the zeppelin for some tragic reason, made me cry. Which was the first in a series of Meg-crying-in-Northrend moments, but as silly as it sounds, it really meant something to me. And it still does.

So when I listen to music from a video game that I love, it not only reminds me of the fun I had playing that game, but it brings me fully into the world again. Listening to music from Fable II takes me to the shores of a lake, gazing across dark water to the distant lights of the city, and above them, Fairfax Castle. Last night I spent a long time listening to music from games I used to play ages ago on the N64, and was instantly in those worlds again. It's comforting being able to get so close to reliving past moments that way, if sad in its own way. But you know me. I love a bit of melancholy.

And if you're really bored, here are some of my favorite songs from video games.

That song on the Northrend zeppelin:

Bower Lake, from Fable 2:

People have been known to say that video games aren't art, but I can't see how one could possibly think that. Just look at the music, guys. I could listen to video game music all day every day and be happy. It's some of the most beautiful music I've come across. Not to mention amazing concept art, as showcased above, from Fable and World of Warcraft.

And okay I've never actually played Skyrim (I know I know, shame), but you should really check out this arrangement of the theme. It's incredible. You're welcome.

Outfit no. 60

Skirt and necklace: F21, Belt and shirt: H&M, sweater: Old Navy, shoes: c/o GoJane, bag: New Look, sunglasses: Ralph Lauren

Today's outfit is a bit different than usual, I suppose, in that I'm wearing a bag. And I've got earphones in. And I'm wearing sunglasses. Wacky! This is because I walked to the leasing office to pay rent, and was listening to The National, and I didn't want to stop listening and it was basically just easier to go straight from my walk to standing on the balcony without removing my bag or earphones. Cool story bro. :(

But yeah, I really like this bag! I ordered it from New Look in London, because I saw it online and couldn't find it in stores and I needed it. It's my go-to bag when I'm not going to or from work, in which case I have a bigger bag that fits all my stupid work junk (i.e. food).

Back to the music, though. I've been listening to almost nothing but The National lately, and I'm kind of obsessed. I've had their most recent album for a while, and I love it, but then I started listening to it over and over again and I sort of figured, I ought to listen to their other albums. So I did. And I can't get enough. You'll find I typically listen to rather depressing music, and if not depressing at least vaguely melancholy, so when I'm getting all pumped up about life I'll play a lively jam like "Sorrow" or "Terrible Love" and think about how beautiful everything is. I'm the worst.

Seriously though this song is amazing. I don't know what it's about but it is perfect. Look at how awkward he is. Look at him stand in the window wearing a waistcoat. So good.

Now I will go and read Clockwork Prince, because I finally got my ass to Barnes & Noble for the paperback version! Super excited for some Will/Tess snogging! I hope. There better be snogging or I'm lodging a complaint.

Outfit no. 27

Shirt and necklace: wholesale-dress.net, skirt: eBay, shoes: (mostly) c/o Oasap, glasses: Ray-Ban

You guys I am so excited -- I finally got this skirt almost a full month after ordering it. AT LAST. It's so awesome, and it was so cheap! I did wait a month for it, but I'm considering the pain worth it, because look at it. It is the ultimate skirt. Everything should be in velvet. Everything.

I'm super in love with these shoes as well, but I stopped at Weller Book Works in Trolley Square today after work, and just walking from the car to the shop and back made my feet hurt. Grumble. Good thing I don't do a lot of walking in life? Gross. But seriously it's really nice to be back in the States where I can drive everywhere and therefore wear heels on a regular basis! I would have died trying to wear these around London. Shaun and I nearly tortured ourselves to death wearing high heels to the Olivier Awards, and that was mostly sitting! Yeesh.

I also want to say thank you so much to everyone who has read and commented on my previous post so far! It's so awesome to know how many people have experienced similar things, and just to know that I have support from so many wonderful people. It means so much to me. I will dedicate this book to all of you in my heart! And I do want to clarify that the Brunel MA program was incredible overall, and I learned so much and grew so much, and my writing has really improved since I started last year. But to end on such a sour note was super frustrating to me, and I had to get it off my chest. So thanks for listening! x

Before I go, I have to share this song that I've become suddenly obsessed with. Someone at work suggested I listen to Imagine Dragons, so I gave them a try on Spotify... and I AM ADDICTED. This song is my favorite!

 I am now going to listen to it and start reading City of Bones, which is gonna be sooo gooooood you guys; the movie trailer looks amaze. I need something to replace the void that Twilight and 50 Shades have left in my heart. Trashy fantasy YA romances, let's go!

Outfit no. 20

Dress: Camden Market, cardi (which you can't really see): H&M, blazer and boots: River Island, necklace: gift from Shaun, glasses: Ray-Ban

I wore pretty much this exact thing to Oktoberfest a few weeks ago. I'm sure the tights were different though. And my necklace. Otherwise, exactly the same. I don't have a rule about not wearing the same outfit twice -- that would be pointless and silly (not that my entire life doesn't revolve around pointless and silly things) -- but I will definitely not post photos of the same outfit twice on my blog. That would be silly! 

Anyway, I love this dress I got at the Camden Market in London. It was near the end of the day and the stalls were all beginning to pack up for the evening, so the guy gave me a discount! It was normally £20 and I got it for £14. A pretty good deal, considering ModCloth used to have (as far as I could tell) the exact same one in red for like a million dollars more. Those markets around London have some pretty cute stuff if you ask me! One of my rings, which I wear every day, I also got from the Camden Market. It's one of my favorite places in London. Good for a nice wander 'round.

Shaun got me this amazing Sherlock Holmes cameo necklace for Christmas last year! I love it so much. Subtle fandomy things are my favorite fandomy things. Although I will really go for any kind of fandomy thing.

It's fitting that everything in my outfit I got in the UK, as I've been feeling super nostalgic about London today. I listened to Florence + the Machine's Ceremonials and Lights's Siberia at work today, both of which came out the month after I moved to London, and I used to listen to them all the time, over and over. I'd wander around rainy Uxbridge and feel ridiculously melancholy, missing Greg and Portland and all my friends. But when I hear those albums now I remember those moments vividly, and I miss them. It wasn't fun feeling so lonely and being so scared in a new country, but it was such a learning experience -- I would never trade it for the world. Here's my favorite song from Siberia, which I'd listen to on repeat all the time! It reminds me of rain, red London buses, Brunel, St Paul's cathedral, vanilla Lattes at Rococo Cafe, urban foxes, ginger nuts, and the London Underground.

I feel like I can probably document all the important stages of my life by albums, artists, or playlists. I know I'm not the only one. What music resonates with particular moments in life for you? What's it like listening to those songs years later, when all the memories come flooding back? I think listening to music that reminds me of vivid moments in time is one of my favorite things to do. But it makes me melancholy. Not that that's a bad thing.

Outfit no. 17

Everything: Primark, socks: UO, shoes: Isaac Mizrahi for Target, glasses: Ray-Ban, necklace: Topshop.

This is my "oh god it's so cold and what the hell am I even wearing" face. We were told to dress in business casual this week at work, as the CEO and other such people are hovering about in the office, but I am not what you would call familiar with the term "business casual." I have been asked to wear it before and I probably just wore a dress and called it good (aka I didn't do anything differently). According to today's outfit however, it seems I took "business casual" to mean "granny on crack," and not in a good way.

Sigh, oh well. We all make fashion mistakes. Remind me never to wear these shoes again; they hurt like hell and they go with nothing. NOTHING I SAY. Neither does this skirt, incidentally. Except for solid colors and neon. That's all I can work out for this skirt. And this shirt goes with nothing either, so naturally I put them all together?? :|

And wow, it is proper cold outside! I'm loving it! I just wish we were allowed to wear hats in the office. I get so cold at work! Is it a requirement of every office building to have the AC on year 'round? It makes no sense and it hinders my productivity. Not really but. It's dumb sitting at my desk with my winter coat, a scarf, and gloves on.

My priest is level 89 and I'm well excited to start healing heroics! I haven't really healed at all this expansion, so there will be a bit of a learning curve I expect. Cataclysm totally changed the nature of holy priest heals, but I don't think this one is quite as drastic. Still, excited to learn the new rotation, and become a leet healer as per! It's my favorite thing to do in any game -- DPS is so boring, and tanking is the hardest. If you don't play MMOs I'm sorry this paragraph is the worst and you probably don't understand it. Just know that it's really boring.

Loving the new Shiny Toy Guns album! If you haven't heard it, really you ought. There's one song on there that I can't stand, because it sounds like '80s easy listening and not in a good way, but the rest are ace! Here's one of them!

I love it so much! If you like sort of electronic/pop music you will likely enjoy this album, so check it out. So many good albums have come out this fall! Anyone know if the new Muse one is out yet? x

Outfit no. 14

  Dress and jacket: F21, hat: H&M, shoes: c/o GoJane, socks: UO, necklace: market stall in Florence, glasses: Ray-Ban

It's finally getting cold here in Salt Lake City! I think I'm well under-dressed; I nearly froze to death while taking my photos today. My fingers are so icy right now that I'm having a very difficult time typing. At least I have an excuse to make hot cocoa now! Not that I ever needed an excuse. Any time is hot cocoa time.

I originally bought this jacket because it reminded me of Jenna-Louise Coleman's in this photo of her as the new companion. Okay it's not even that similar but I just wanted a utility jacket to wear with cute dresses and cardigans! And I wanted to feel like a companion. I still have dreams about traveling with the Doctor, which is ridiculous, but enjoyable while I'm asleep. One time I drank too much wine and fell asleep while watching Doctor Who, and when Greg came home from work I woke up and said (according to Greg; I remember none of this), "Hi Doctor!" and then proceeded to call everything Doctor. I drunkenly called my phone and my teeth Doctor ("Wait, I need to brush my Doctor..."). This is simultaneously one of the best and worst stories about me ever.

So you guys, have you ever had a hot toddy? I'm suuuuper into them! I kind of regret not getting a tiny hot toddy instead of a shot of whiskey with my free drink voucher when Shaun and I visited Bushmills Distillery in Northern Ireland. This weekend I'm hoping to make them for Greg and I, even though he doesn't really drink, and will probably not even try them, but HEY it's something cozy to do for fall. Plus my favorite band, Jethro Tull, sings about hot toddies in their song "Fire at Midnight" (technically it's a "golden toddy" but whatever)! Dumb fact: one time I recorded a cover of this song. It was just me singing, and a backing track on my harp. I am the woooorst singer and I have no idea why I thought I needed to do this. Thank god I lost the track when my old Dell killed itself years ago. Now nobody can blackmail me with it.

Lastly, I've been meaning to share this amazing video here on my blog because I need to know how much everyone else loves it! If you're a Game of Thrones fan you've probably already seen it, but every time I hear Maroon 5's "Payphone" on the radio I sing these lyrics over Adam Levine. I am horrible... y awesome.

ISN'T IT THE BEST? You guys I can't wait til the spring when we get more Game of Thrones action! It's my favorite show right now and I'm still grieving the end of season 2. And before you ask, no I haven't read all the books. I know, I'm a terrible geek, but I was never really bothered until the show came out, and now I love the show so much that I'm a bit worried the books will spoil it. And also I'm just really lazy and don't have time for a billion long books that are not even finished and seem to get worse as they go (according to the internet?). Plus GRRM doesn't write as well as Patrick Rothfuss, JUST SAYIN'.

Overture

All I can think about right now is Patrick Wolf. His new album, Sundark & Riverlight, comes out in October and I can't even tell you how excited I am. It's celebrating the 10-year anniversary of his music career, and is rearranging a bunch of his old songs for an all acoustic album. He's doing an acoustic world tour to coincide with it, so definitely check to see if he'll be in your area! He's so incredible live; you can see my post about his gig in London last November here.

Anyway, I am going to see Patrick again next week at the Old Vic with Shaun, so I will likely make a post about the show afterwards, but I can't in good conscience go about my day without first sharing this new video with you. Patrick just released it today. It's one of my favorite songs of his, rearranged and acoustic-ized for maximum prettiness! Seriously though, do yourself a favor and watch/listen. I wish I could try to explain Patrick's music, or express how much it means to me, but every time I try it doesn't come out right. So just press play or whatever.

Mozart

Here's a little bit of Mozart to brighten your day.




You're welcome.

I've discovered that I love anything in B flat major, and that Mozart is the epitome of absolute and utter musical perfection. Oh wait I already knew that. Mozart, you beautiful genius.

(Clearly I'm too busy writing and traipsing about along Brick Lane to be of any use to you just now.)

Patrick Wolf

I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing the first time I listened to Patrick Wolf. It was late at night upstairs in my room at my parents' house, the summer of 2005, after my first year of college. Somebody on livejournal had recommended his album Wind in the Wires and uploaded it for me. The first song I listened to was "The Libertine", and immediately I loved it. Often my favorite artists or bands are acquired tastes, but with Patrick it was immediate. I listened to the entire album in one sitting, and I remember the next day raving about it to my friend Bethany. We went on a drive into the mountains, for whatever reason (we were 19 and emo?), and listened to Cantiga and Patrick Wolf. It was one of the best moments of my life, because our only purpose was to be in a beautiful world listening to beautiful music.

Now, six years later, I still get that feeling when I listen to Patrick Wolf. It's hard for me to put into words the love I have for him and his music, because I'm afraid whatever I say will cheapen it. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true! I've spent so many nights lying awake, depressed, listening to his music. I've spent so many days full of complete and utter joy, listening to his music. I've written stories while listening to it, I've fallen asleep to it. You know what I'm talking about if you have a favorite singer or musician or band. It's the music that speaks to your soul. I can't put it into words beyond that or this will just become a strange introspective piece on the inner workings of my psyche and spirituality or some crap, but you understand what I mean.

So on Friday I finally got to see Patrick live. It was at the Roundhouse in London, the last show on his Lupercalia tour. It was incredible. I'm still on a bit of a high from it, and I've been listening to nothing but Patrick Wolf on iTunes since then. He is an amazing performer. He connects with the crowd, he plays different instruments, dances, twirls, writhes and struts; he's like a creature from another world. He came out in a red jacket over a sparkly shirt and black ribbon bow tie, his hair all disheveled. For the encore he had a fake hawk on his shoulder. I can't handle how fabulous he is. He's this amazing, perfect balance of adorable and sexy, humble and confident; his music is at once joyous and sad. It was so overwhelming. I had a huge grin on my face the entire time.






Sadly I didn't bring my camera for the concert, because I was worried fiddling with it would distract me from the raw emotion of seeing Patrick live (I'm such a weirdo), but Shaun got some shots from the encore, which she was sweet enough to let me use in my blog post! Thank you Shaun. ♥

If you want to see some really amazing photos from the show, I highly suggest you check out this photoset on flickr. You can see Patrick in all of his red jacket fabulousness.

Also, I'm now convinced that my next tattoo will be of Patrick Wolf lyrics. I'd already thought about it for a while, but I'm decided. I think it'll be from his song "Paris" but I won't say which lyrics exactly. Not 'til they're branded on me forever!

Here's the first song I ever heard by Patrick Wolf, which remains one of my favorites to date: "The Libertine".




And here is one of my favorites from his latest album, Lupercalia, "Together".




You guys, if you're not listening to Patrick Wolf right now, fix that. He is seriously one of the most talented, beautiful, amazing people in the world. He's touched me more deeply than most things in my life have or ever will. I will always be in awe of him.