Sunday, January 4, 2015

Grumpy Hermit Mode

I'm usually pretty comfortable in my introverted nature. I enjoy spending time alone, and I'm usually at my happiest when I have the whole house to myself, my music is on, and I can dance around and cook and get shit done without fear of having to interact with another human. And I'm fine with that aspect of myself. I like that aspect of myself! But sometimes, when I've been around other people for too long or when there have been a series of house guests staying here for weeks, I get really really run down. And that's frustrating.

My mom came to visit for Christmas, which was super fun and I had a wonderful time, and I'm so glad she made it down here for the holiday. But it's a week later and I still feel depleted. I've only done one social thing since she left, and it was just drinks with my besties at a super cool bar I love, but man I cannot get my energy back for shit right now! Louise has a house guest here, which is probably contributing -- just having someone in the house I'm not used to puts me in a heightened state of like... social preparedness? Which sounds insane but IT'S TRUE, I can't help it. And I realize it's my thing and nobody else should be expected to cater to me at all. I just feel bad when I back out of social engagements because I'm too low-energy from being around people too much.

I'm learning to say "no" more often, though, which is important. I've done that whole thing where I force myself to attend tons of social things in a row when I don't really want to, and I'm always just miserable the whole time, wishing I was at home alone. So I'm learning to identify when I'm in hermit mode and shouldn't go out, for my own good as well as everyone else's. Nobody wants to hang out with a grumpy hermit Meg, let me tell you. It ain't fun.

So today I was supposed to go hang out with my besties (Rose/Georgia/Megan), and I love them and they know that, but I decided to stay in and get some shit done. I felt terrible about it, but I just woke up knowing I couldn't deal with human interaction today. Maybe it's the holidays or something, but I've been extra hermity lately.

I just feel bad because I worry people think I don't like them, or that they are the cause of my grumpiness when they're not? I'm just super introverted and lame? Usually it's not an issue but today I feel really guilty and stupid about it so I'm babbling on my blog. I hope other introverts can relate. I'm sure you can? Ugh, hermit life. So hard sometimes.

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