I'm trying to teach myself to let go.
I'm the kind of person who needs to control things. I would never think to describe myself as a control freak if asked to describe five traits about myself or something, but I totally am. I hate it when people do things differently than I would when I can easily just tell them to do it my way. I hate being responsible for things that aren't 100% directly under my control. It stresses me out so much and it's so annoying, but I have a super hard time turning off that compulsion.
Well, I'm trying to let go. I realized that I've gotten to the point where I'm driving myself crazy stressing over things that I can't fully control. I agonize over things I can't fix, things that aren't my responsibility. It's to the point where my whole life is affected by stuff that I frankly do not need to be stressing over. And I finally realized that I don't need to let the anxiety overwhelm me. What I need is to let go.
It's hard, but I've been trying to remind myself that there is only so much I can do sometimes. There are only so many things within my power. When shit goes wrong and I've done everything I could have done with my knowledge and skill set, I can't beat myself up. I did all I could to the best of my ability. The weight of the world doesn't need to rest on my shoulders, even if I feel like it should.
Meanwhile I'm getting anxiety because my friends aren't playing BioWare games right.
Ugh. Letting go is hard.
In other news, I went to a cat show yesterday! It was just as ridiculous as it sounds, yet super fun? I'm not a cat person but I loved seeing all the cool breeds! I never knew there was such variation in cat breeds, it was like a magical cat zoo. And afterwards I took an amazing nap, so it was a winner of a Sunday.
Life update: complete!