Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Deep Thoughts With SG-1

As you may know, I've started watching Stargate SG-1 again from the beginning. Which is no simple feat, might I point out. There are 10 seasons, with 214 episodes total, each about an hour long. So there is a lot of it. But I am ready! 100%! I just love it so, so much. And I actually -- I'm so sorry, please don't hate me -- forgot about Jonas Quinn until like five minutes ago?? I'M SORRY okay he's just not in it for very long, and he's overshadowed in my mind by Ben Browder and Claudia Black, and like, he shows up in that weird period where Daniel's gone, which was so painful for me and I still have PTSD flashbacks of Daniel's terrible thick rib ascension sweater, and it's been like five years since I watched it okay, shut up Lee. I know you're reading this.

Stargate isn't just a show for me, though. I mean it is just a show (shut up Meg stop being so pretentious), and it's entertaining and fun and emotionally engaging as hell, and I absolutely beyond adore the characters (except apparently Jonas "Forgettable" Quinn), but I'm only a few episodes into season 1 and it's already packed a pretty hefty emotional punch for me. Well. Maybe not a punch, because that implies violence. But it's emotional. An emotional... hug? This is mainly because I've watched all 214 of the episodes of the show twice now, some of them more than twice, but until now, every single episode of SG-1 I'd ever watched had been with Greg. 

I wasn't expecting to think about him as much as I have been as I begin to re-watch these episodes. But I do. And it's not a bad thing; it's comforting, even. I can remember how he reacted to certain moments. I can hear him laughing, or being annoyed at a plot inconsistency (which was all the time with Greg), or making his usual smart-ass comments. I remember exactly what he said when he noticed that Daniel had his own distinct way of talking, for example. The thing is, a year ago these memories would have been painful, if not unbearable. But now they're not. Now they're... nice? 

I feel like a weirdo saying that, but it's true! It reminds me of a time when Greg and I worked really, really well together. When we wanted the same things, liked all the same things, laughed at the same things, and just fit together really well. Because we did, for most of the time we were together. I mean we sat in our shitty tiny basement apartment in Missoula and watched every episode of SG-1 together, in order, twice. (And all of Stargate Atlantis.) We were happy just being around each other no matter where we were or what we were doing. And we had so much fun! It was a really easy, happy place for me. 

Remembering it doesn't hurt anymore, and that's amazing to me. I like feeling grateful for all the happiness and companionship Greg and I shared. It meant, and still means, a lot to me. So re-watching Stargate SG-1 isn't a painful experience, but a happy one. It reminds me of the content, comfortable moments I spent with someone I loved. I'm so glad we had each other for that time, because my experiences are richer now because of it. 

Not just in watching Stargate, although that's part of it. Living in a world where I used to love Greg, learned from him, and now am thankful for that time -- it's a good world. He helped shape the person I am today, and that will always, always mean something to me.

No comments: