Monday, March 24, 2014

Sunny Days

Lyall always looks like a total weirdo in photos. He looks extra freaky in this one. Doesn't he look like some kind of alien pig? Look at his dead eyes.

As you can see from the sunbeam, it's actually not raining here. Which is... weird, considering it's March. And this is Portland. Not that I'm complaining! Oh wait yes I am hahaha you thought I liked the sun suddenly. No. I got really excited after work and was like "I'm gonna walk around in the sun and go shopping real fast for some stuff!!!" but after about 10 minutes I was hot and sweaty and regretting it. I need to remember that Meg's keys to surviving in warm, sunny weather are as follows: 
  1. Don't move. No seriously, don't go anywhere. Don't get off your ass. Just sit there in the shade and wait to move until the sun sets or else you will regret it. You will become a sweating, bright red, angry mass of misery. You will regret it.
  2. Sip a cold beverage. Do not stop sipping said beverage. Never stop with the cold beverages; just keep 'em coming continuously until the sun sets.
  3. Wear a wide-brimmed hat. A very wide-brimmed hat. With sunglasses. Keep as much sunlight at bay as is humanly possible, and you might get through this without wanting to kill yourself.
  4. SUNDRESSES. Do not trick yourself into wearing anything outside but a sundress. If you wear shorts, or pants, or a maxi dress, or tights, or even a shirt with a skirt a lot of the time, you will sweat a lot and regret it
  5. For the love of god, sunblock.
I feel that these are important rules to live by for any pale, blue-eyed, sun-hating girl. I don't know what you'd do if you were a boy. What do men do without sundresses? Whatever it is, it must result in some sweaty man-parts. I do not envy that.

Since the Volvo place insists on taking forever to fix my car's broken headlight (full disclosure: it's not technically their fault it's taking so long), I've had to walk to Fred Meyer twice in so many days. Which isn't actually that bad, because my neighborhood is gorgeous, and Fred Meyer isn't very far away. I've been bringing this badass Downton Abbey shopping bag my dad sent me a while back, and buying just enough food for the next few days: a few apples and bananas, baby carrots, coffee grounds, some chicken sausage. I feel very European. But let's be real, when I was forced to buy tiny amounts of food in London for a year, taking the stupid bus to and from the shop, walking and sweating and walking and sweating all the time, it fucking sucked. I'm very thankful for my car (THAT I CAN'T USE) and for vehicle-friendly 'Murica. That said, Portland is also very accessible via public transit, and no matter where you live, you're probably a five-minute walk from a coffee shop and a bar, or a fun combo of both. Add strip clubs to the mix as desired.

And now it's time to sleep, even though I am not tired because I drank a Coke Zero too close to bedtime. I'm like a child. Somebody please restrict my caffeine intake. Help me.

P.S. Should I get an asymmetrical pixie haircut?? I am getting tired of the bob, I think, and I need others to tell me whether this is a good idea or not. I'm gonna give it some time though because, as a woman, cutting my hair short is one of the most horrific things I could possibly do to myself and therefore requires much introspection and forethought before any decisions are made. I will keep you updated. In the interim, yes? No? Thoughts.

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