Thursday, January 6, 2011

My Life Story



I kind of want to quit life, join a monastery, and write forever. Never mind that monasteries are religious places of prayer. In my fantasy monastery there would be secular writing. And lots of cheese and wine. And harpists to play for me while I wrote, and personal masseurs named Lars. So basically your typical monastery. I'd just get up, inhale deeply of the cool mountain air, and write the next bestselling teen fantasy novel.

Then, when I was finished, I'd strap my manuscript to the back of a mule and begin the treacherous descent to a Hungarian village below, my cloak pulled tight about my shoulders, feet deft and sure on the uneven path. Upon reaching my destination, the village inn, I would read over my manuscript and edit for the hundredth time. In one hand would rest a mug of hot wine, my only movement the occasional turning of a page or sip of drink, my only sound the rustle of parchment and scratch of quill.












I'm wearing: Papaya dress, F21 cardigan, ModCloth shoes, Target tights.


My manuscript would be an astonishing hybrid of adventure, romance, intrigue, fantasy, and perfection. Publishers would line up at my door, offering outrageous sums for the opportunity... nay, the honor, to publish my work. "Guys, guys, calm down," I'd say, a pipe in my hand and a monocle at my eye. "One at a time, one at a time."

Finally, after much deliberation, I'd come to an agreement with the publisher who could offer me the greatest payout (seven figures), the most publicity, and a free car. The chosen publisher would be overwhelmed by their good luck in snagging my genius for such a reasonable price. Immediately upon reaching number one on the bestseller list, production would begin on a film adaptation of my book, starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Zooey Deschanel. The original score would be an unexpected yet surprisingly magnificent collaboration between Hans Zimmer and Patrick Wolf.

Meanwhile, I would cruise about London in my complimentary Bugatti Veyron with Greg, sipping Coke Zero and singing along to Bon Jovi.

And I'd be wearing this outfit the whole goddamn time.

31 comments:

Heather said...

I know you only wrote this because you wanted to slap me in the face with your creative writing degree. I humbly stand corrected and extremely narcissistic thinking this was all for me. Haha.

Anyway, I want to wear that outfit all through London with you while helping you spend your seven figures. Because, well I'm a professional money spender and I love me some coke zero. So just rewrite the part of the story that says Greg and add in a Heather. :)

Victoria / Justice Pirate said...

May I say that you are the most entertaining blogger I read and that I look forward to every one of your entries and tweets more than anyone else?? hehehe. Dear God, publish this woman now - monastery or not! This outfit is super cute - especially the tights.

She is Sara said...

YES!! This has to be one of my favorite posts of yours! I hope that you do write, because, I would totally read it. Your blog posts are very entertaining, imagine an entire Meg book???? squueeeee!!!


I love this outfit, you look like a little snuggle bunny with cute shoes! Okay, I am really tired and Louie is laying on my lap as I type, but still, snuggle bunny dammit.

ps-These are the lovely shoes you were tweeting about right? Very much worth it, you get the Sara stamp of approval :)

Amanda, The Upside of Wonder said...

Haha, I love that you'd be singing along to Bon Jovi during this. Perfect.


And I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who fantasizes about total off the wall things. Maybe I am sane after all. Or, ya know, we're both a little insane.

elbee said...

I thought you can't really cruise around in a Veyron...wouldn't you burn out your engine?

I know, I watch too much Top Gear, too. I also watch L. play a little too much Forza 3.

By the way, there's a Doctor Who audiobook called "Max Warp" that sort of parodies Top Gear. It's kind of funny :P

The Daily Fashionista said...

Damn you and your Bon Jovi reference. Guess you has "You Give Love A Bad Name" in their head now? Me! Anyways, great writing! I love the idea of sitting in an inn and drinking warm wine. I felt like I was there.

Kallie, Happy Honey and Lark said...

Your life story is basically perfect.

gee said...

i am going to keep this short..since i have written a novel the last couple of comments i have left! :)

your post make my night. i swear we are more alike than different..haha...&& just a fyi..i would die without my coke zero.
sooooo goooood!

you look beautiful..and your 3rd picture is priceless!

aliboo! said...

your monastery sounds perfect but have you ever drank hot wine? its terribly unsatisfying! haha :)

that being said, regular cheap wine is perfect, and typically helps me write twi-knock offs.

i wish it was more like r.l.stine knock offs.

sherryl said...

you are always too entertaining, you really should write a book! i would totally read it. you look adorable in the third picture! xD i like the cardigan also <3

Nicole, Coco Maria said...

Okay, so I need to join this here monastery you've created. I think you described my ideal life, well, I guess you really described YOUR ideal life, but I would totally want it as well. Anyway, I love your cardigan and tights. Super cute!

.Alyspank said...

I was totally in love with this post until I realized that the sloth from your last post wasn't in this one. Sort of broke my heart. I'd want him seat-buckled in the back of your Bugatti wearing cat-eye framed sunglasses where he belongs.

Good thing you wore a cute outfit to make up for it! You and Heather must've coordinated colors today, haha. The button detailing on the front of that dress is killer, and I'm lovin' the fringe on your shoes!

Alyssa

Louise said...

Can I get a two-day-a-week membership to your monastery? (Even though I'm catholic?) Also, I'll be drinking a latte and wearing your adorable uniform. Really adorable, Meg.

Rai said...

Oh this post made me giggle. Lovely outfit as per usual, you are just too pretty ^_^

Shibby said...

Can I join your monastery it sounds perfect except for the writing bit but I'm sure the wine and your writing will be enough to keep me entertained :)

This post is amazing!

Fleur-de-Lis said...

Your idea of a monastery is pretty perfect ;) This post was perhaps my favorite of yours until now *
Oh, and your cardigan is just so sweet ;)

sparkle is a color (Katrina) said...

This is hands down my favorite blog post ever.

I wish you the best of luck on these dreams. My life story is pretty similar, except instead of a monastery I hole up in a spa where I am pampered within an inch of my life. And my book is chic lit and fluffy with a garish pink cover.

Nicole said...

Whenever you find said monastery, please send me the address. I will quit life and join you to do... something. Ha!

Btw, I love you indoor photos... they appear to be ridiculous crisp (in comparison to mine). Do you edit them at all??

Michal said...

Oh Meg. This made my week. I want to come to London too though- just sayin'.

Joy said...

Sounds perfect to me, just like your outfit!

And speaking of great YA novels-Have you read The Hunger Games trilogy yet? You must!

Amber Blue Bird said...

if you ever find this dream monastery complete with Lars let me know, i would drop everything and hike out to it.

Midwest Mayhem said...

I loved reading this! Hehe, what a great life and a great outfit to go along with it. The little hearts on your cardigan are so adorable and I love how they are more on the subtle side.

Jessica said...

Love this post. You are a funny gal. And this outfit is adorable. Especially love that cardigan!

kate maggie said...

You're seriously so witty and hilarious..I loved this post. When you find this magical place, take me with you. Love your sweater giiirl..and thanks for the input about Black Swan! Im dying even more now to go see it!!

Lee said...

lol, judging from this post alone I would read whatever it is you get published! Keep up the good work and you'll have that Bugatti Veyron in no time! =]
x

Christy said...

This sounds like an incredibly enjoyable life. Can you please schedule me a chunk of my life in said monastery?


This post alone was a fun read.
Also I'm loving your cardigan. I haven't bought any new cardigans for ages and this makes me want to invest in a few new ones....

Christy of Dress Rehearsal

kathy said...

Love the outfit! Although if you were to wear it all over london you might need a massive raincoat- Boo for the terrible weather... x

Between Laundry Days said...

This post makes me very happy.

arnique said...

Cumberbatch/Deschanel?! Actually... that would work.

And if Hungarian mountain monasteries with their damp dungeons are not to your taste, may I suggest a Greek hermitage on top of a pillar of rock? At least, you'll have a view of the see. Donkey rides are common for both, I expect. ;P

Arianne from A + B in the Sea

Missy said...

fab cardigan and i love your hair!

Missy
Enter my £50 giveaway!
http://thefashionfusion.blogspot.com

Sydney, The Rabbit-Hearted Girl said...

I LOVE THIS POST. your book will be the number one bestseller in the bookstore/coffee shop/music store that i own in london. you can come in and do a book signing for free, 'cause we're friends like that.

your posts are the best!