Outfit no. 13

Jumper: New Look, jacket: F21 (via eBay), shorts and necklace: F21, glasses: Ray-Ban, boots (in later pic): River Island

I got this jumper in Lewes, when Shaun and I got super stir-crazy from being in London all winter and took a day trip to look at antique stores and get rained on. I didn't dress properly (when did I ever during that entire year; is it possible to dress properly in London?) and nearly froze to death, so I had to pop into New Look and buy the first warm-looking jumper that caught my eye. This was it. It clashed horribly with my red tartan dress, but I was warm! The rest of the trip was mostly spent trying to get rid of two creepers in a pub during a torrential downpour, but if everything had gone swimmingly, well it just wouldn't have been as fun. I'll never forget breaking down into fits of laughter at the train station with Shaun after all the trauma of our day!

I didn't end up liking any of the standing full-body pics I took. I could make up some reason why, or not say anything, but that would be dumb. I didn't post any full-body pics because I feel like I look fat in them. My legs and hips, more precisely. "OMG MEG YOU ARE NOT FAT" says everyone, since that's what people say when you claim you look fat. Let's just put this out there right now: I feel gross and lumpy sometimes in my own skin. That's just how it is. I'm not fishing for compliments. You know you feel that way too. I guarantee every blogger has had a moment (or two or five million) where they look at all of their outfit photos and go, "Motherfucker I look disgusting. What the hell am I gonna blog about now."

Well that's what happened to me today! I felt fine walking around all day in this outfit, and I thought I looked pretty swell when I caught my reflection in mirrored windows (raise your hand if you check yourself out in mirrors and windows at every opportunity), but the photos were just... not my favorite. I just have a complex about my butt, and my thick thighs, and my short legs. There it is! I don't want you to see pics that I myself can't bear.

It makes me wonder what other bloggers are insecure about. Sometimes I go to fashion blogs, and this is really weird and kind of creepy? But I go to blogs and try to find posts where the blogger talks about an insecurity, particularly about their body. Not because I want to gloat! But because I want to relate. I want to know that we're all suffering together, in our own stupid vanity and insecurity. How amazing is it to find out that a blogger who you think is absolutely perfect has a pot belly she's been hiding under those A-line dresses? I want to hug every pot-bellied girl in the world! And be like, "I have one too! And doughy thighs!" It's not about laughing at or judging someone, it's about feeling like we're all human together. So when I see a girl about my size, looking adorable, it makes me feel better. And if she says something like, "ARGH I HATE MY STUPID SHORT STUBBY LEGS" then it makes me relax a bit and feel as though I'm not alone. Am I the only creeper who does this?

Anyway, tangent. I just want to be as real as I possibly can on this blog, and I guess I'm putting it out here right now, there are a LOT of super unflattering photos of myself that I don't ever post, because I feel I look fat in them probably. Usually of my arms or thighs. Thus the dearth of photos today! So... do with that what you will.

In other newwws, I got to do a drug test today for work! I peed in a little container. It was super embarrassing though because I couldn't pee enough the first time so I had to sit around in the waiting room and guzzle water from the drinking fountain (btw drinking fountains basically don't exist in the UK, they want their citizens to die of dehydration) until I could pee again. When I went back out and sat down after having a good long drink, all the people in the waiting room... they knew. They knew I had been unable to perform! So much shame.